What They Would Say If They Saw What We Wrote
by The One and Only Birdie
Summary: Chapter 8. Julia discovers her biggest threat to privacy yet: Fan Fiction. Once the fighters enter into the world of Oneshots, Xiaoyins, Lemons, and Slash, they find everyone's secret ambitions and weaknesses. Can they learn to coexist? Parody!
1. Chapter 1: Snickers and Snickerdoodles

**DISCLAIMER: Any and all resemblance to your stories are purely coincidental; I made a point to fabricate the stories that they read so that no one would feel like they were being unfairly mocked. My intention is not to mock, but to entertain, so please read without insult; I'm calling out my own personal fanfiction falls from grace as well:-)**** The idea is to parody trends, not insult authors.**

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Chapter One: Snickers and Snickerdoodles

The wonderful world of the internet. A rolling hillside of knowledge, a sea of information with bloggers casting their nets for this morning's garbage. Facebooks, live journals, deviant art, and other deliciously addictive vices waited every time Julia signed on.

And there was no vice sweeter than the internet.

Pulling up google, Julia decided to try something new. A friend of hers from her Arizona research team had emailed with her the greatest idea: "Just type in your name in google, see what pops up!" Buried under legitimate genetic reports were stories of hookers, crooks and lawyers all wandering around with her friend's name.

"Julia Chang." Her loading bar ran away with the name as google sifted through millions of webpages. When the first images popped up, Julia's breath caught.

It was her. Not her professional work, not her publications, but her personal life splayed out over nearly ten thousand hits. She even had a Wikipedia page. Scrolling through stories of the Tournaments, of the people she met and her life in the United States, she noticed they all shared one header: Fan Fiction.

* * *

"Xiaoyu! Asuka!" Julia ran into the gym. Nearly forty faces flew up, and Julia turned a brilliant brick red. Apparently, people at this level of fighting competitions weren't accustomed to others running in and shouting excitedly.

Xiaoyu looked at Asuka from across the room. Asuka shrugged, wagging her finger in a circle. "Crazy," it said in clear body language. Still, the two girls put down their training gear, and padded across the perfectly silent gym until they were out of earshot.

"So, what's up?" Xiaoyu asked. Her voice was friendly but her face was wary; or as wary as she could look with pigtails.

"I found something really cool and exciting!"

Julia had hoped to inspire some curiosity into the two girls. Asuka shattered that dream fast. "Um, we don't talk."

"Yeah, it was such a surprise when-" Xiaoyu began. She stopped, before asking "Why didn't you ask the other girls?"

The thought of asking Nina or Anna Williams was about as appealing as lying in a tank full of scorpions. They liked guns and pain too much. And Christie? Really, there was only enough room for one hot, tan girl in Daisy Dukes. "They wouldn't appreciate it."

"How about the boys?" Xiaoyu persisted.

An image of Ganryu danced through Julia's head. The pounding gave her a headache.

"Because she's smart." Asuka answered for her. Then she paused, rethinking that. "But only kind of, since we don't talk."

"Can you pretend we do and see something really cool and exciting?" Julia snapped.

There was a terrifying moment moment when she thought her audience would walk right out of the theatre right there. Asuka stopped, raising an eyebrow. "Wait, dude, are you going to lead me to a plain, unmarked white van, toss us in sacks in the back and harvest our organs to donate to charity?"

Julia blinked. "Um… No."

Asuka grinned broadly in relief. "Cool, I'm game!"

Xiaoyu's pigtails bounced with her nod. "I'm curious, let's go!"

* * *

"HEY, KAZAMA." Hwoarang's voice rang in the hall.

Jin sighed. Time to turn on his aura of mystery. As much as he could while standing in front of a vending machine buying Snickerdoodles, at least. The redhead appeared, bouncing down the hallway with curling bits of ruffled hair fought out from under his riding goggles.

"What do you want," Jin muttered. "An ass-kicking?"

"No." Hwoarang stopped in front of Jin, crossing his arms over his chest and narrowing his eyes.

"A fight?" Jin turned to face Hwoarang, crossing his own arms across his chest.

Hwoarang didn't bat an eye. "No."

"A verbal assault?" Jin sneered.

"No." It occurred to Hwoarang that he hadn't blinked in a while. He would have thought about how fortunate that was for a face-off, but the moment he thought about it, he blinked.

"A witty exchange of insults?" Jin felt like he was reaching for straws.

"Still no."

Jin stared. This was beginning to feel a lot like Pictionary. The vending machine whirred as Jin's purchase dropped down through the slot. Both of them looked down at the bright package briefly before they locked eyes again. "…A cookie?"

"No." Hwoarang paused, looking down at the package again. His eyes lit up. "Wait, Snickerdoodles? Those are the cookies of gods!"

"Great!" Jin picked up the package and ripped it open. "You can't have one."

Hwoarang rolled his eyes. Ripping his riding goggles off of his head, he shook loose his hair. "Fine, that's not why I'm here anyway."

If Hwoarang wasn't here to antagonize him, Jin wondered, then why was Hwoarang here antagonizing him? A paradox that couldn't be solved until he had finished spitefully eating Hwoarang's beloved Snickerdoodles in front of his face.

Watching Jin stoic and silent as he ate his cookies, Hwoarang sighed. "So the guys and I are in the gym, right, and we hear girls giggling." Jin could feel nervousness set in. No good came from that. "Lei went out to ask politely for them to be quiet, but when he got close, he started listening."

The two instinctively checked both sides of the hallway. Leaning forward, Hwoarang continued. "He heard our names."

Jin showed perhaps the most outward display of emotion yet: his lip twitched.

"Us guys are really freaked out, nothing good has ever come from hoards of chicks talking and laughing about boys. So even if you're a bastard and I hate your guts, I'm making sure you're on the right side."

Gaggles of girls giggling. Jin felt the shiver of terror. He nodded, uncharacteristically taking Hwoarang's hand and clasping it. When Hwoarang opened it, he realized he had left a cookie. "You're going to need it."

Hwoarang smiled grimly, turning and leaving. Jin began to do the same, when he realized something. Turning around, he called. "Wait, why did everyone send an idiotic ass-hole like you to tell me?"

Tossing a sardonic grin over his shoulder, Hwoarang said "They're scared. Your name was the one most mentioned."

And for a desperate moment, Jin doubted even the Snickerdoodles could save him.

* * *

"Wait wait wait, check another one, check another one!" Asuka managed between gasps. Xiaoyu was a total loss, curled up in a small ball on the floor, giggling and rolling as Julia read aloud from the screen.

"Listen to this one, it's a High School Musical and Tekken crossover!" Julia felt her cheeks ache from smiling too much, and her abs was getting a serious work-out from laughing so hard. "You and Jin are the leads, Xiaoyu!"

"Oh, don't read another Xiaoyu one," Asuka huffed, crossing her arms angrily.

"Don't worry, you get to be the bad guy." Julia said as she clicked on the link.

"Who are you?" Xiaoyu asked, sitting up and looking over Julia's shoulder.

Julia paused. Her mouth dropped open as she read the cast list beginning under the disclaimer. Asuka peeked over her shoulder. "She's the nerd!" Asuka cried.

"Are you serious?" Xiaoyu descended into a fit of giggles again.

"I'm not a nerd!" Julia cried. She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose, since they had slid down in her horror.

"What did you say your job was?" Asuka asked.

"I'm an archeologist, that means I dig and research-" Julia stopped when she saw Asuka and Xiaoyu's knowing smiles. "Hey, Indiana Jones was an archeologist too and he was Harrison Ford, a beautiful BEAUTIFUL man with plenty of social skills who was CERTAINLY not a nerd."

"You just used to word certainly in a casual conversation. You're a nerd," Asuka pointed out.

"It's okay," Xiaoyu said quickly, noticing Julia's taken-aback expression. "Just because you're a nerd doesn't mean you can't be happy or have meaningful relationships!"

"That's exactly what it means," Asuka quipped.

"You know what?" Julia snorted. "Shut up and let's read."

Grinning, Xiaoyu jumped to her feet and with her and Asuka each over a shoulder, Julia scrolled down under where it said chapter one.

From page one, main character Xiaoyu fawned, mooned, moaned, groaned, dreamed, ate, drank, and thought Jin Kazama. "I'm so not that bad," Xiaoyu muttered.

Asuka and Julia caught one another's eye. "That bad?" Asuka half-smiled.

"You're WORSE," Julia finished for her. They slapped a quick high five before scrolling on. Xiaoyu just sighed with an eye-roll.

Main character Xiaoyu's peppy antics and shameless flirting, though royally annoying, managed to win over Prince of High School Jin and get him to invite her out to Karaoke.

"Karaoke? In the middle of a fighting tournament?" Asuka propped her elbow on Julia's shoulder.

"Do I really come off that irritating?" Xiaoyu asked, twirling a pigtail.

Asuka looked over Julia's head. "You wear pigtails and pink. YES."

"I don't think you're anywhere _near_ that bad," Julia said quickly. Xiaoyu nodded, satisfied. When they turned back to the screen, however, they saw the chapter was over. "You guys do realize that there are hundreds if not thousands of stories about us on dozens of different websites, don't you?"

There was a pause. The three girls caught each others' eyes, giggling a little as they looked back at the screen and scrolled past summaries and summaries of stories. The fun stopped when they realized they had many more pages, websites, and other sites there were to go and the time was flying fast. "I have to get back to training," Xiaoyu said softly.

"Yeah, me to," Julia said.

"But we should totally do this tomorrow, after we're all done training let's meet back here, order some pizza and see what else these people have!" The moment Xiaoyu said it, she got two emphatic yeses before Julia powered down her computer and the three head out to hit the gym.


	2. Chapter 2: Know Thy Enemy

**DISCLAIMER:** **This story is not about this website. It is about the concept of fan fiction in general, and includes the characters' perspectives towards their media portrayal. The characters are not mine, neither are any fan fiction websites. **

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Chapter Two: Know Thy Enemy

"How are we going to address this?" Ever the organizer, Lei had taken over the mirror in the men's locker room. Using an Expo marker, he drew a small chart of Julia's hotel room with a crude bed, dresser, and stick-figure girls standing with stupid smiley faces.

"We have to do something," Hwoarang called from the back. "This whole thing freaks me out!"

There was a wave of agreement through the locker room. Men from all across the tournament, notably excluding mechanical huminoids and the Mishima brood, had convened in their only safe haven. Curiously, the Williams sisters had made an appearance as well, creating some discomfort with other male guests using the urinals.

"I don't see what the big deal is," Craig Marduk pointed out. Three girls couldn't beat me with a steel pole."

The coven fell silent when the bathroom door opened, and Christie Monteiro appeared wearing a large, ornate feather headdress and short, tight lingerie. Looking around at the dozens of eyes staring her up and down, she quickly said "Steve told me to meet him in the bathroom, and I thought-" She stopped, noticing Steve cutting a finger over his throat. "I'm not dressed for this." With that, she left the bathroom.

All eyes went to Steve.

"What?" Steve asked sheepishly. "I thought the more we had on our side, the better."

"Nice," Hwoarang said with a broad grin. Within a few minutes, Christie appeared in jeans and a crop-top shirt, and people could donate to Lei most of their attention.

"The problem is that we don't know what the problem is, just… that there is a problem. We don't know the real enemy behind this!" Lei paced up front, tapping the open marker against his chin. The felt tip left a blue mark. He looked ridiculous. No one intervened.

"The solution is simple." All eyes turned as Raven stepped towards the front. Dressed in a black trench coat with sunglasses, he carried with him an air of mystery that may have made Jin jealous if he didn't have all of the girls' hearts on a string. When no one offered to provide him with his explanation, he did it for them: "Espionage."

"That's suicide," Paul Phoenix protested.

Raven smiled a slow, cold smile. "Not for them."

Nina and Anna met his eyes, before looking peripherally at one another. This just might work.

* * *

Night had gone to sleep, but Julia hadn't. She was awake with the groggy morning, lights on and her laptop up and running. But she wasn't with her laptop. She was lying on her stomach on her bed, watching it glow. Wondering, pondering, she let her mind sweep over what she had read. The clock read 4:37 when there was a knock on her door.

Should she play possum? Guests interrupted thoughts, and thoughts were something that were meant to be nurtured, not interrupted. Still, the knock came again, hesitant yet insistent. So be it. Julia hopped out of bed, and peered into the hallway.

Xiaoyu's face peered in. Her pajamas, pink with cartoon pandas, nearly glowed in their neon color. Her smile was shy, but her voice wasn't when she said "I couldn't sleep. I started thinking, and-"

"Get in line, sister," a voice said from behind her. Asuka had sweats, a T-shirt and a half-smile on.

"Come in and we'll start a support group," Julia joked. Piling in, Xiaoyu hopped cross-legged onto Julia's bed, while Asuka draped herself over the computer chair. Julia settled on the floor, her back against her mattress. "So why are you up?" Julia asked.

"It's just so weird!" Xiaoyu began.

"I can't believe how right some of them are!" Asuka piped up.

"I KNOW!" Julia cried.

"And then others have no _idea_ who I am, like seriously." Xiaoyu waved a hand dismissively.

"I didn't think I was so easy to misread, you know?" Asuka shrugged.

"I mean, why does everyone think I'm in love with Jin?" That got both Asuka and Julia's attention. They whipped their heads towards her, causing Xiaoyu to blush. She opened her mouth to say something when there was another knock at the door.

Well, Asuka and Xiaoyu were accounted for. Who else could it be? Xiaoyu tucked her flaming red face away as Julia came to the door. Asuka's fingers traced the lamp, just in case.

The door opened, revealing Christie. She was wearing a gold nightie with rich red lace. She tugged at it slightly when she noticed the other girls' modest pajamas. "I was up getting water," she murmured, waving her hand down the hallway. "I saw you open your door for the others, and I was curious and bored and…" looking down at her cup, she added "…thirsty."

Julia looked at Xiaoyu. Xiaoyu looked at Asuka. Asuka looked at Christie and grinned. "Come in! Hot jam jams."

"Thanks." This was the second time she showed up improperly dressed for the occasion. She would have to invest in sweats and crocs sometime soon. Coming in, she leaned up against Julia's desk. "So what's the scoop?"

"The scoop?" Xiaoyu asked blankly.

"Come on, groups of girls don't meet up and giggle unless there's some dirt. So dish it, who likes who?" The three other girls started laughing, and Christie flashed her bright white grin. "I'll get the ball rolling. They all have _amazing_ abs, but seriously, would it kill some of them to get a tan?"

The three girls laughed harder, Xiaoyu's face flushing red again and Asuka clutching the lamp for support. Julia managed to catch her breath first, and she said "It's nothing like that."

Christie shrugged, her smile fading. "Then... what is it?"

Asuka, Julia, and Xiaoyu looked conspiratorily at one another, than at Christie. Waving gently to the laptop, Julia said "welcome to the world of fan fiction."

* * *

"I refuse to work with her," Nina hissed.

"I refuse to someone who refuses to work with me," Anna spat back.

Raven crossed his arms, hoping his muscled forearms would keep them from striking should the argument escalate. Women. Worse, sisters. Worse, sister assassins. There were too many stilettos for any mortal man to take. _You've got to be kidding me…_ "One of you, take the mission. The other can wait."

"I REFUSE TO WAIT!"

"I REFUSE TO LET HER REFUSE TO WAIT!"

They spoke at the same time, and the two locked eyes and sent daggers from pupil to pupil. Their hands went instinctively to their pistols. That was about when Raven felt a gentle vibration against his hip. Flipping it open, he realized it was 5:13. Who could be sending him a message?

"Hush," he said forcefully.

Four eyes flipped to him, all their anger and resentment threatening to bubble over. Fortunately, he held the cards. "Christie got in. She sent us a text message."

The few who remained awake immediately gave their attention. Anna and Nina each went to one shoulder as the others crowded around. The text was brief: "Google fan fiction."

Quickly, everyone leapt into action. That is, if action is code for the hotel computer lab. Law punched Paul, who was dosing on a chair next to Hwoarang, who was uncomfortably trying not to let Paul doze on him. Jin watched the clan move. Wearing his long, silk bathrobe as he walked to the hallway ice box, he rolled his eyes and cursed his sleepy valets for allowing him to be exposed to this madness.

Once the crowd was piled in, Lei booted up a computer. Popping open Firefox and typing in google, dozens of concerned eyes watched over his shoulder. "Ya know, we can attach this to a projector," Steve pointed out.

"Well, Geek Squad, hook 'er up instead of telling us about it!" Hwoarang snapped. Several of the men snickered, but Steve went ahead and just did it. He did, however, spend the whole time muttering about how hooking up "complicated computer machinery thingies" at 5 in the morning hadn't been in his job description.

The moment the screen popped up, everyone came to realize just how serious this was.

"Middle and high school aged girls across the country have banded together and infiltrated our inner most secrets!" Raven gasped.

"To be fair, there are plenty of perfectly legit male writers and many writers out of high school on there," Steve said.

All eyes wafted to him, and many a pointed eyebrow stabbed in his general direction.

Steve stuffed his hands in his pockets. "You can write for 'The Office' too."

"Uh, I don't know about you guys, but..." Law began. Once everyone looked at him, he tossed his head towards the projector. "I don't get any of this lingo."

Lei leaned in, squinting. IM speak. Funky capitalizations. Short cut words, such as "fic" and "R and he was pretty sure they weren't talking about Rest and Relaxation in this god forsaken place. "This is insane," he stammered to the screen. "We can't do this alone."

Waving his cell phone, Raven smirked as he reminded his comrades: "We aren't alone."

It all came down to Christe. Christie, the martyr, trapped in that terrible room of laughter and mirth at others' expense.

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NEXT CHAPTER: Xiaoyin Fan Fiction


	3. Chapter 3: If We Were a Movie

**C****hapter Three: If We Were a Movie**

"Are you sure that was a good idea?" Asuka asked. She and the other girls were in a circle on the floor. Xiaoyu cradled the laptop, and Christie just finished tapping out a text message.

"You have no idea." Christie finished, closing her phone and returning it to her cleavage. "Those guys are going _nuts_! They may have planned a full military assault. They were going to send the Williams sisters in to spy on you anyway."

"You're a much better spy, you ask permission," Asuka said with a smile.

"Girls need secrets." Christie smiled back.

Xiaoyu had been scrolling through the links when she wrinkled her brow. "Hey, guys, do you know a Xiaoyin?"

The girls exchanged looks. "Well, your name is close."

"Xiaoyin is a Chinese name," Xiaoyu explained. "Means… silver morning, I want to say. It can be a boy or a girl, but the only other Chinese people in the tournament were Wang Jinrey and…"

"Feng Wei, you can say it." Asuka gritted her teeth and scowled at the bitter taste the name left on her mouth.

"How can a name be gender ambiguous?" Christie dipped her head back as she thought. "I can't think of any American names like that..."

"Jamie, Cameron, Shay, Chris, Jesse, Cary-" Julia listed off.

Christie snapped her fingers and pointed to Julia. "But Cary is spelled differently for a girl, though, it's C-A-R-R-I-E!"

"Or K-E-R-R-I or C-A-R-E-Y..." Julia stopped dropping her lids. "Really, that one's just ambiguous in general..." Shaking it off, she suggested "Just open up a link, maybe it's your long-lost twin brother trying to send a desperate message to you."

Xiaoyu laughed, rolling her eyes. "Probably a coincidence has NOTHING to do with…" clicking on a link, her eyes went wide. "…me?"

Once the girls noticed change in Xiaoyu's tone, they crawled closer to read. The story started with Xiaoyu coming through the hallways of her high school. She was looking frantically for someone, searching the faces until she found: Jin.

Xiaoyu. Jin. Xiaoyin. "Like Brangelina or Bennifer?" Christie asked.

"Their names combine well," Asuka added.

"There were a lot of links with 'Xiaoyin' in them," Julia pointed out.

The three girls looked at Xiaoyu, who had been uncharacteristically quiet. Julia, Asuka and Christie had no idea what to say. Each respectively was trying to imagine what it would feel like, to see thousands and thousands of people advertising their crush across the world via the World Wide Web.

If Xiaoyu's eyes could have popped, they would have. "When he reads…" jumping to her feet, Xiaoyu ran to the door. "HavegoPanda-!" she cried, disappearing down the dark hallway and almost hitting an agitated Nina on her way past.

No one tried to translate. No one tried to make sense out of it. It seemed to be perfectly acceptable insanity. Instead they poked their heads into the hallways. "Draaama," Asuka muttered.

"What is it about that boy and girls' hearts?" Julia asked no one in particular.

"It's the mystery…" Christie said. "Still waters run deep. You never know what he's thinking…"

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_How did Hannah Montana get so popular?_ Jin wondered. Six a.m. was training time. And when he came to the punching bag he used in his corner, he came face to face with a full-sized poster of Hannah Montana.

"Hit that!" it said underneath.

So Hwoarang had graduated to witticisms. Jin could honestly say he was proud. Ripping down the poster, however, he could honestly say he was livid.

Hannah Montana was sporting pigtails. And even if Jin was no expert, he was pretty sure Hannah Montana never wore pigtails. Particularly badly drawn pigtails done by Sharpie.

"Hey Yin, where's your Yang?" Steve called. He was on the far side of the gym, hanging up his speed bag on a hook by the lockers. At the sound of his voice, people watched curiously.

Jin heaved his best sigh. "If you knew anything, you would know yang is the man,.I'm not yin."

"Last I checked, you're the last part –YIN – of the happy Xiaoyin couple!" Steve was glowing. He knew something, Jin could be sure of it, and the worst part was, Jin had no idea what he was talking about. Xiaoyin? The only "Xiao" he knew was-

"Hey Romeo, where's Juliette?" Paul Phoenix hefted his bag onto a bench. His training partner, Marshall Law, punched him roughly.

More faces appeared, more mocks, more jeers. Jin's eyes swept the room. What prompted this? Last he checked, Xiaoyu wasn't in the habit of sending perfumed love-letters, there were no billboards or song dedications, and his "lips zipped" strategy had kept his personal life undetectable in the masses.

When he saw Hwoarang saunter over to Steve, his eyes narrowed with understanding.

* * *

"Wipe that smile off your face, just because we have a clandestine mission underway doesn't make us suddenly best friends," Hwoarang said.

"You should've seen the present some of the guys left for Jin," Steve said with a grin.

Hwoarang paused. His eyes darted over to Jin, who had a poster in hand and a foul expression on his face. "Sorry, Steve, I forgot your crayons." Socking Steve in the shoulder again, he said "What is this, Kindergarten? It's not like any of that bull is true. They have, like, no chemistry."

"Well, it looks like now's our chance to ask…" Steve paused and stepped away from his speed bag. Jin wasn't looking at Steve, however. He hardly even noticed him. The rest of the men and women hushed when Jin planted himself about a yard from Hwoarang.

"Here's your Juliette." Jin ripped the poster slowly, separating Hannah's face into thin strips from top to bottom. His eyes were set on Hwoarang. "The only long strips you will ever get from a woman." Dropping them on the floor, a chorus of "oooh's" sounded.

"At least my women aren't underage!" Hwoarang shot back. Jin didn't even consider pointing out that Xiaoyu had come of age. That was entirely too suspicious.

"And I don't have to _fabricate_ reasons to insult you, you provide them all yourself," Jin hissed.

"You really think that little touch of Elementary School jackassery came from me."

The question wasn't a question. Jin answered it with his heel; or rather, turning on it, grabbing his sweatshirt from his station, pulling it on, and storming out of the gym.

Once the door slammed, Steve turned to Hwoarang. "Seems like you got under his skin."

"That's what happens with cheap shots." He paused, letting a smile tug on the corner of his mouth. "And a cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste."

Across the gym, Law was wrapping his wrists and eyeing the angst as it unfolded. "Ah, fresh love triangles."

Paul grunted disinterestedly in the back of his throat. As fun as it was to provoke and instigate angst, sitting back and seeing a soap opera pan out was almost as exciting as scuba diving with sharks, or spending the day with in-laws. "Seriously, do they ever stop?"

"Do women ever stop being so damn attractive?"

The pair looked up to find that the third voice belonged to Baek, as he wandered by with his bag over his shoulder. Law narrowed his eyes; still, when he and Paul exchanged glances, the trio said in one accord "No."

"But they stopped being attracted to us entirely too early," Law added, massaging his hand before zipping up his pack.

Paul grunted again, his favorite form of hyper-masculine communication. "Shut up, you have a wife."

Law sighed gutturally. "Exactly."

* * *

When Xiaoyu saw Jin coming down the hallway, she was pretty sure she saw the aura of fury that had shrouded him first. The door of the gym slammed behind him, bringing Julia, Christie and Asuka out of Julia's room. Four sets of eyes watched him stride, and Xiaoyu felt very vulnerable coming the opposite way.

_Keep walking,_ Xiaoyu coached herself. _No eye contact. That could be misconstrued as a declaration eternal love._

Four paces. So far so good. He was about two yards away. Still good, she averted her eyes, adjusting a bracelet. Four more paces, then-

Xiaoyu made eye contact. Jin stopped right in his tracks and kept her eyes. She could sense the fury radiating off of him like heat waves in the summer. The brief moment where his eyes narrowed and her breathing stopped was halted by him brusquely continuing down the hall.

The three other girls ran up to her as she slumped against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. "I think you just got the evil eye…" Julia propped a hand onto Xiaoyu's back.

"Dammit. This is all because I made eye contact."

"You know, in some cultures they believe that if you give someone a dirty look you can curse them to bad health and misfortune?" Julia's smile seemed to suggest she thought this was comforting.

"I'm sure this is _VERY _helpful, given the circumstances," Asuka muttered.

Julia tossed her a dirty look. "A pox on your house…"

Christie fingered the strings of her robe as she peered down the long hallway. "You know Jin through the tournament?" she wondered aloud.

Letting out a wistful sigh, Xiaoyu raised herself off of the wall. "Well, no, my relative, you know Master Wang? He and Jin's great grandfather were like BFF's in the stone ages. Still talk. Apparently." Xiaoyu paused. She vaguely remembered reading Jinpachi's obituary sometime shortly after the dawn of time, but Wang said- "Anyway, Heihachi helped fund my training in Japan after I ran away from China. Then Jin and I went to the same high school…"

"Wow. You guys have… history." Christie couldn't find a more encompassing word to mean 'awkward, interpersonal network.'

Silence fell. Some of the men were piling out of the gym, though once they noticed the four girls they stopped dead in their tracks. Their eyes were full of fear of some ya-ya sisterhood witchcraft being done in the hotel hallway. "You know what?" Xiaoyu said finally. "I know exactly what to do."

"Apologize, explain that none of those people actually know you and pray that he gets over it?" Julia offered. Self consciously, she took off her glasses and tucked them into her sweat-pants pocket.

"No." Xiaoyu's face was that of someone getting an idea. An idea that they thought was a good idea; as so many bad ideas were born. "Tell the truth!"

A shocked silence passed over the other three girls. They each looked desperately to one another for a way to explain to Xiaoyu. Asuka piped up, crying "Xiaoyu, this is one of those moments where honesty isn't necessarily the best policy-"

"JIN!" Xiaoyu ran down the hall. Everyone by the gym door watched the scene unfold, and Asuka tossed her dirtiest look she could muster to shut them up. Jin hadn't stopped when he heard her shout his name, but seeing her running after him like a cheesy romance movie, he realized how much worse this could look if he didn't stop. Sighing deep in his chest, he slumped his shoulders and turned around. Xiaoyu drew up to him, her poufy white pom-poms settling against her hip as she stopped. "Heard there were some rumors floating around." Jin didn't reply. He just watched her closely, contemplatively. "Lots of rumors, lots of people, whole world wide web is involved, kind of ugly if you think about it. Like that whole Miley Cyrus picture scandal." He didn't seem too impressed with the pop culture reference.

Xiaoyu cleared her throat. She would have to try a different approach. "I don't love you." When that fell on a slightly awkward silence, she added quickly "I don't want to have your kids, I'm not going to kill myself if you don't talk to me, I won't stalk you or flip out if you're with other girls or anything weird like that." She paused. She didn't feel like she was being completely honest; she was being entirely too poised about all of this. "Though," she began as a disclaimer, "you are part of my life so I won't ignore you either."

Jin examined her closely, the edge of his eyebrow twitching up. It didn't look like he was going to say anything, but that wasn't entirely unexpected. Xiaoyu began to turn around, when Jin spoke. "I don't hate you." Feeling another awkward silence, he clarified. "You don't irritate me."

An inner sun lit up Xiaoyu's face. "GREAT! Then we can live apathetically ever after!" She tossed out her arms.

"If the court jesters give you crap," Jin began, looking over her shoulder at the crowd who were looking their best to not look like they were looking at them. "You have my permission to go knight-in-shining-armor on their asses."

Xiaoyu crossed her heart solemnly. "I can take them. My tickle attack has felled many a noble knights into shame."

Jin couldn't imagine anything more ignominious than being tickled into submission by a small Chinese girl in hot pink and pompoms. He nodded his approval, before continuing down the hallway.

* * *

If there was anything more thrilling than the thrill of the hunt, it was finding that every other predator in the forest was willing to toss out your prey for the pickings.

Kazuya had listened in on conversations, overheard gossip, and witnessed a confrontation or two with very intriguing results. He even searched the famed sites again and again, but the evidence was clear. Though there were stubborn outliers, he could see that there was a rather large collective of people who seemed to think Ling Xiaoyu was something of a weak spot for Jin.

One weak spot was all he needed.

**

* * *

**************

A/N: Couldn't resist giving my own gender ambiguous name a shout out there. Next up? SLASH! As well as one or two subplots developing from those mischeivious characters we all know and love:-)

I update weekly on Friday for the rest of the story. 


	4. Chapter 4: Something Stupid and Serious

**DISCLAIMER: Characters aren't mine, this isn't about this website. Anything that may seem like a reference to your work isn't intended to be, and anything perceived as an insult to your work is not intended as such; this is all in the spirit of parody. **

* * *

**Chapter Four: Something Stupid and Serious**

"JIN JIN! Check it out!" It sounded to all the world like Hwoarang was calling over his best friend. Considering the amount of media attention Celebrity crackpots have received, all the world didn't seem like the best judge of personality. So, it's fortunate that all the world wasn't in the computer lab, and instead a hodge podge of people who knew just how much Hwoarang and Jin hated each other watched for the next installment of the Hwoarang/Jin rivalry.

Update: Jin just ignored him.

"Summary says 'Jin and Hwoarang SLASH!' I'll bet you it's a bloody one, rated M too! Let's see who really comes out on top." Hwoarang's challenge was issued the moment he clicked the link.

Update: Jin still ignored him. The strategy was serving him well so far.

"Um, Hwoarang…" Steve began. He wasn't so sure Hwoarang fully understood what the word "Slash" in a summary usually meant. Hwoarang, however, wasn't interested in being dissuaded. Scrolling past disclaimers – "I do not own Tekken and its characters" – he started reading the first few paragraphs. "Says 'Hwoarang and Jin are going at it again,' sounds like us alright…"

Steve made a loud snorting sound, which may or may not have been him choking on his own tongue. Men and women alike looked over. Waving his hand and hiding his red face, Steve choked to hide a laugh.

"Yaddah yaddah yaddah, 'tangle of limbs…' '…they fall into bed together…'" Hwoarang paused. What he said out loud rang in his ears and settled into his brain. "_WHAT_?" he shouted.

"What is it?" Others ran up to look over Hwoarang's shoulder. Probably the last thing he would have wanted.

"Given the sex, I'm not sure either of you win," Steve replied. He had to hold a hand over his mouth to hide a bark of laughter.

"_What_?" Update: Jin couldn't ignore the situation anymore. He came up behind the crowd hovering around the computer.

"The proper question," Lee said, gently tossing his silver hair. "Would be who."

"Then who?" Jin asked.

Lee smiled a little too broadly. "You."

"_WHAT?_"

"Is there an echo in here?" Lee mused.

"Disgusting…" Hwoarang sat back in his chair, wrinkling his nose as his on-screen character breaking the sound barrier while running all of the bases. "What kind of sick freak would want to do anything like that with _him?_" He jerked his thumb at Jin.

It seemed like Hwoarang and everyone else in the room had the grace to forget that yesterday, they were teasing someone who just might have wanted to do something like that with him. Jin, satisfied to have one mountain surmounted, wasn't interested in adding that to his current Everest.

Lei, who had been watching this act play out, raised an eyebrow. "It was good enough for you, apparently."

"Jin is a decent enough specimen of man," Lee pointed out.

There were few words sufficient to describe just how awkward that moment was. Jin felt he summed it up well with "thanks, Uncle Lee."

"Wait, Uncle?" Steve interjected on the side.

"His grandfather adopted me and raised me with Jin's father," Lee explained.

"Oh…." Steve raised his eyebrows contemplatively. An image of a mysteriously anger-filled, resentful and hateful Kazuya flashed across his mind like a matinee. _That explains a lot about Kazuya, actually…_

Paul shook his head, leaning back from the computer screen. Laying a hearty hand on Hwoarang's shoulder, he said "Well, if you're still up for the challenge, I'll be in my room later." It was one of those moments. One of the moments in TV shows when the laugh track rang, or in movies when everyone started laughing before the producers panned it to music. However, there were no producers here to save Hwoarang and Jin's pride by panning to music. The entire room could have combusted in that moment, just from the laughter. Nearly everyone doubled over, gasping for breath and clutching at chairs and shoulders for balance.

Hwoarang dropped his jaw. "Are you propositioning me?" Tossing his hair and crossing his arms, he huffed. "Even if I were gay, I'm not that cheap!"

"A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste." Steve smiled impishly from behind Hwoarang.

More rolls of laughter took the room as tears squirmed from joyous tear ducts. Between gasps, Lei managed to sputter "Hey, Hwoarang, you came out on top!"

"I'm leaving." Hwoarang got to his feet just as the girl group entered the computer lab.

Someone from the back of the room shouted "The proper term is 'coming!'" More waves of laughter. Hwoarang tactfully flipped the bird, while Jin discretely ducked out an exit from the opposite side of the room.

* * *

"What just happened?" Asuka asked, assessing the situation.

"S-s-s-slash-!" Paul stammered.

Asuka, Julia, Xiaoyu and Christie knew exactly what they were talking about. No provocation necessary, they joined the large laughter fest. "Did they read it?" Christie managed to squeeze out.

"And how!"

It was a good five minutes before people started to stop laughing. Hwoarang made his way back into the room, and he avoided all lewd eye contact that people were trying to make with him. "What part of fiction don't you people understand?"

"You know what I want to know," Steve said suddenly. Once he caught everyone's attention, he said "why are all the slashes of men?"

There was a moment when everyone deeply contemplated the societal implications that a lack of girl on girl fan fiction meant. Not much of any profoundness could be substantiated.

"Jin and Hwoarang have an… interesting relationship. Us girls don't have real rivalries." Julia leaned in, scrolling up and down the stories just to be sure. "I mean, look at Christie and I, we have nothing in common."

"Hey Christie, why did you join this tournament?" Hwoarang asked suddenly.

Christie tucked her arms over the crossed fabric of her shiny silver shirt. "Well, I joined the fourth tournament to find a very close friend who had disappeared."

Reflecting back on Tournament Three when Julia came to find Michelle, Julia said "weird, me too."

"Then I came to the fifth tournament to try and fund a scientific research to get surgery that could cure my grandfather…" Christie continued.

Julia dropped her jaw. "I came to fund scientific research to save and reforest my hometown!"

Christie stared at Julia, dumbstruck. "Wait, you're a family-oriented karate activist with a hot tan and short shorts?"

"YES!" Julia grinned, embracing Christie as they both said "I thought I was the only one!"

They laughed, and Christie flipped her sun-kissed hair from her shoulders. "I thought you were a nerd!"

"I thought you were a whore!"

"Hey-!" Christie dropped her hands to her hips. "I pride myself in my integrity!" Several guys in the room may have objected, but they were too mystified by her bare waist to voice any objections.

"I pride myself in my personality, but hey, here we are." Julia shrugged with a slight smile.

Asuka watched the two bonding with a slight huff. "Well, don't I feel a part of the clan."

"It's okay, Asuka." Xiaoyu sweetly set a hand on her shoulder. "You and I can start a 'cute Asian girl' clan, and they won't be invited to our clubhouse meetings."

"Can I join?" Steve asked.

Xiaoyu scanned him over. "After a lot of cosmetic work…"

"Guys, stop being so stupid, this is supposed to be serious!" Hwoarang threw his hands back as he sat down in front of the computer.

"Stop being so serious, this is supposed to be stupid," Asuka shot back.

Hwoarang sighed. Fair enough, he couldn't argue with that. "Still, there are entire websites dedicated to me getting it on with the one man in the world I absolutely loathe." Leaning forward and burying his hair in his hands in frustration, he muttered about fifty choice expletives. "I'll never live it down."

Xiaoyu set a hand on Hwoarang's shoulder. "Don't worry. I understand."

"Yeah, um, sorry about that," Steve murmured, sweeping his hands through his hair.

Julia tactlessly pushed Hwoarang's rolling chair out of the way, leaning over the keyboard as her fingers flew over the keys. Curiously, Christie came to look over her shoulder. Julia typed in a few words in the search engine, and her eyes went wide.

"Wow," Christie said.

"Why is everything about Jin?" Julia asked herself. Two hundred and fifty five thousand websites came up with his name; and that was including quotations.

"It wasn't always like that," a voice from the back piped up. The younger generation, still huddled by the computer, turned around to see Wang, Baek, Paul, Law, Lee, and Lei nodding in agreement. Ganryu floated nearby near Anna and Nina.. Raven raised a mute eyebrow from his corner of the room, in between the two groups.

"Why do I have the feeling some old people wisdom is going to be imparted on us?" Steve muttered.

"It's okay, I have earbuds!" Just as Hwoarang almost had them in, though, Baek smacked him on the back of the head, popping them back out.

"Ah, I love new technology," Baek grinned at Hwoarang. Hwoarang rolled his eyes, resigned, and sat back in his rolling chair. The rest of the youngsters braced themselves for a back-in-my-day lecture.

"I love the young pups and their rivalries…" Wang smiled, crossing his arms with all the mysterious of his decades hiding in the wrinkles on his face.

Once again, the older members of the tournament shared nostalgic looks. "I remember when the big rivalry was Paul and Kazuya," Law said, bopping Paul's shoulder.

"It was always you and that Baek douche." Paul punched Law, and Law flew into Lee and another computer. Paul didn't notice, however, he was busy taking Baek's stare down. "No 'fense"

Baek sighed, waving his hand. "None taken, I was a younger man."

"Wait, you had a rivalry?"Hwoarang tried to imagine how in the world his dishonest, temperamental, slightly aggressive teacher could possibly have – on deeper consideration, it began to make a lot more sense to Hwoarang.

Scratching the back of his neck, Baek smiled sheepishly. "I may or may not have completely destroyed this man's dojo, honor, and dignity."

"I wouldn't go THAT far." Law massaged his shoulder, giving Baek a foul look.

"Marshall China? Really?" Baek argued, raising an eyebrow as Law collected himself.

Wang waved his hands in between the two as they locked eyes and passed daggers. "Obsolete, obsolete!" Once he had everyone's attention, he returned to his crossed-arms stance. "Jinpachi and I watched with such interest those boys' path into evil…"

"Who, Jin and Hwoarang?" Julia asked. She hopped onto the desk, tucking her legs under her arms.

Hwoarang raised an eyebrow at her. "Thanks."

Wang wrinkled his brow. "No, Heihachi and Kazuya. I was training this young one when Jin came around." He motioned dismissively to Xiaoyu, who smiled and waved with mock shyness.

"I thought he might turn out alright," Lei said while shaking his head. Reminiscently, he added "I mean, his _mother_…"

Baek smirked. "Talk about the center of the love triangle!"

"Hey!" Anna cocked her hip and ran her hands sensually through her hair.

Asuka felt a completely different kind of offended. "Ew."

"Why, back in my day-" Wang began.

"Alright, peace out," Steve said, waving his fingers. The old-people weapon was drawn out, and there was no way they were going to be sitting through a lecture that would drag them uphill both ways with a warm potato in their hands. The rest of the under-twenty-fives high-tailed it, high fiving each other as they made it into the hallway.

"The arrogance of youth," Wang started to say to Anna. He realized quickly that Anna and Nina had followed the exodus, and so his gaze fell on the rest of the older fighters.

"It's okay," Lei said. "One day, there will be new arrogant youth to ignore them, and we'll be old enough to be considered sage."

* * *

Jin looked up as the others flew into the lobby. He made no motion to get up, but called to Hwoarang as he passed "have they stopped asking for numbers?"

"Sorry, center-of-the-universe, you'll be on the gossip table for quite some time!" Hwoarang grinned evilly as he passed, and Jin simply dropped his head down with a slight shake to return to ignoring the world of irritants.

"Welcome to the right side!" Julia grinned to their new arrivals.

"Welcome to the bright side," Xiaoyu added with a smile.

"Really, I just wanted to be out of that room." Nina planted her palms on her hips, trying to look anywhere in the lobby save the group of overly-enthusiastic young adults.

"You're welcome to join us as we continue exploring this…" Julia paused, searching for the proper word to use in this context.

"…interesting new world," Christie finished.

That beautifully dramatic, perfect ending to a potentially odd conversation was cut short by Hwoarang. "Excuse me, Mary Kate and Ashley, but the finishing of each other's sentences is just a little too 'Parent Trap' for me," Hwoarang said, holding his hand to an invisible migraine.

"Whatever." Julia whipped up a "talk-to-the-hand" palm. "I've had enough of people poking through other peoples' fantasies about me, and I have to train for a tournament that's starting in under a week."

"I have, like a butt-ton of training to do," Xiaoyu agreed.

"That's a lot of butt," Steve pointed out.

Hwoarang quaked with a hefty shudder. "I really don't want to think about butts right now..."

Several people were tempted to bring out the awkward turtle, but the lingering suspicion that an entire awkward aquarium wouldn't alleviate the weird feeling in the room stopped them.

"...Right, I say we split and reconvene tomorrow afternoon for some more 'research.'"

Nina listened to the chorus of agreement. The popularity of the situation provided an interesting perspective that she couldn't ignore if she wanted to discover more about potential targets. If there was one thing a person could count on, it was that the contenders in the King of the Iron Fist Tournament would be getting in trouble, and fast. Smoothly, she said. "I'll be there."

"Me too," Anna grinned.

Nina could have shot her in the face. Fortunately, she was confident there would be more opportunities for that later.

* * *

Xiaoyu paused by the door of her hotel room. It was ajar. They couldn't stay ajar without someone stopping it.

_What would a girl in a Wes Craven movie do?_ she mused.

Any decent horror movie heroine would creep closer, taking uncomfortable glances around. Then, slipping inside she would inevitably be met with her untimely and violent death. Then the last thing she wanted to be was a horror movie heroine.

She whirled around and tore down the hallway, right into a wall. A hairy wall. A very hairy wall. A sweet scent tickled her last waking thought before she passed out was: _thanks a lot, Wes Craven_.

* * *

**A/N A fond thanks to those who have reviewed thus far, another thanks to those who have read and _haven't_ reviewed, and I hope this chapter satisfied! Next chapter? One shots, as well as some covert character development. :-)**


	5. Chapter 5: News Flash

**Chapter Five: News Flash**

When Xiaoyu woke up, lingering remnants of a crazy dream where she had been kidnapped still wiggled and wormed in her brain. Musing about the finger prints that dream left on her psyche, she rolled over-

Right off of the couch. Her butt ached, and her hands, which had been behind her back, stung a little from the impact. She tried to pull her hands in front of her, but she realized that they were, indeed, tied behind her back.

It gradually began to dawn on her that she had just been kidnapped.

And a low growl rumbled somewhere near Xiaoyu's ear. Well. That explained the hairy wall.

"Panda?" Xiaoyu murmured hopefully.

When she looked up, however, she found herself face to face with a full blown Kodiak bear in the middle of the room.

"Well, well, well," Heihachi Mishima said from behind. Xiaoyu blinked. That was an interesting twist.

"I, uh, well, this is awkward…" Xiaoyu murmured. "You're dead."

"No, I'm devious, and they yield two entirely different results."

It made sense, coming from the mouth of a supposedly dead person. She couldn't help but wonder if the World Wide Web had seen that one coming. Sadly for Xiaoyu, they saw it coming long before she did, when they unlocked Heihachi in the video game version of her life.

But let's not confuse her with such meta-reality.

"Don't be afraid," Heihachi said. His voice was a layer cake of sound, frosted with evil and cooked in the fires of Hell.

Afraid? Suddenly, Xiaoyu realized she should be afraid. It hadn't occurred to her before, but she was currently lying on someone else's floor, and it was hard to get the upper hand with hands tied behind one's back. Panic clutched her brain, and struggling to right her body without use of her arms she screamed "LET ME GO! You can't do this to me!"

He let out a low, long sigh. As Xiaoyu's eyes came better into focus, she could finally see the face of her captor, which changed everything.

Xiaoyu screamed even louder as Heihachi leaned over her. He was even older, uglier, and wickeder than she remembered him.

"I'm going to be eaten by the dinosaur," she moaned.

Heihachi burrowed his hand in the fur on Kuma's neck as he sighed and rolled his eyes. "You're not going to be eaten by the 'dinosaur.'"

"Darn straight!" she cried. Blindly kicking, she caught Kuma in the nose and he reared back. "You'll never take me alive, I can take you, you're just a crusty, scary-looking little man! I'll beat you halfway to Hell!"

Sidestepping out of the range of flailing limbs and shrill screams, Heihachi sat on a chair in her cell. "I'm trying to protect you," he muttered. "To prevent you from being kidnapped."

Xiaoyu stopped flailing, letting that sink in. Still. She was lying on his floor, hands tied behind her back. "Wait a second, you kidnapped me so that I wouldn't get kidnapped?"

"Yes." Heihachi seemed relieved that the ray of understanding had crossed to her.

"I think you failed." Xiaoyu rolled over onto her stomach, looking up at him from the floor. "I, uh, I still got kidnapped."

* * *

"Alright, so this has been bugging me." Asuka dropped into a chair, propping her boots on a desk as she booted up the computer and flipped her hair.

Julia propped an elbow on the back of Asuka's chair. "Suki, Shouldn't we wait for Xiao?"

"Maybe she didn't want to come, Jules…" Christie pulled up a chair next to Asuka, propping her elbow next to her shin on the desk.

Hwoarang and Steve shared a suffering glance. The girls were on nickname terms. They never would have imagined that it was that serious. Any minute now they would be painting each other's toe nails and speaking in highly intricate codes about anything male in the tournament. Neither of them had any idea when that happened, but both of them would have to figure it out so they could mourn the day it had.

Asuka waved a hand to dismiss Christie's remark. "Whatever, Chris. What I want to know is what this whole 'oneshot' business is. They use it with lots of Xiaoyin and Slash, so it can't be a pairing. What does it mean?"

Steve knelt on the ground next to Asuka, dropping an elbow on her thigh. "Quite simply, my dear wench, that it's only one chapter."

With a vehement shake of her head, she set her jaw to the side. It was seriously tempting to push that elbow in a direction that elbows simply don't go for that wench remark. "It can't be that obvious."

"It can only be that obvious." Lifting himself up, his finger hovered in front of the screen, careful not to touch it. "Notice here at the bottom? Where it says how many chapters there are? The one shots all have only one chapter." He smiled up triumphantly at Asuka. Her scowl promised a torrent of rain on his parade should he dare to give her that triumphant smile again.

"Good call, fox!" Julia flashed him a smile as she leaned forward.

Ooh, fox. Obvious, flattering, just sexy enough that Steve could get used to this whole nickname business.

"He just stated the obvious," Hwoarang muttered, looking up as Nina tossed her training bag onto a chair and perched on the desk on the other side of Asuka.

"Congrats, hypocrite." Julia almost patted Hwoarang on the head, but with some mad evasive action skills he boxed her hand away and rolled his shoulders to straighten his jacket. Steve sniggered to the side, earning him a well-deserved smack on the back of his head.

"So the author has only one shot to impress the masses with whatever idea they had?" Christie asked. She leaned propped her elbow on Steve's shoulder so she could lean in closer and read the summaries. Letting out a low whistle, she added, "No pressure…"

"Low commitment. Starts and resolves in a chapter. I like it," Julia said.

Typing "oneshot" into the search engine, they came to realize just how much commitment there really was. Because in the world of oneshots, every pairing had its place. Every. Pairing. Steve found himself with Julia, Christie, Asuka, and Julia, Christie and Asuka with every man imaginable. There were boys with boys, Kazuya with Jun – "Oh, Jin would _love_ that one" – and even the Williams sisters got around.

Not that the other girls would have been surprised about that development.

Still, people were very surprised when they came across a juicy encounter between Miss. Anna Williams and Lee. A very juicy encounter between Anna and Lee. An encounter entirely too juicy, for some males' opinions, to involve Lee at all.

That was when Anna walked into the room. "What's the big news?" she asked.

"Anna, in the bedroom with Lee." Nina's voice was cold, as was the shoulder she didn't bother to look over to acknowledge her sister's physical presence in the room.

"And here I thought it was Miss Scarlett in the Lounge with the candlestick.," Anna quipped. Leaning over and reading a few lines, she shrugged apathetically. "We're wearing too much for this to be accurate."

There are moments when words fail. There are moments when words can't suffice. There are moments where there are no words, and sometimes there are moments when one's breath is stolen, so even if there were words, they wouldn't be able to say them. This was a moment that was simultaneously all of the above and none of the above. While everyone was choking on the paradox of this, Asuka asked, "Is there any truth to this?"

"They had to get the idea from somewhere."

"What about Craig Marduk?"

It was curious, Anna's expression changed from sangfroid to disgust in a matter of moments. "_WHAT?_" she demanded.

"Déjà vu," Steve murmured.

Anna reeled. The behemoth had come onto her, yes, but what sorts of stories was he spreading about her? That she was easy? Only she was allowed to give that impression. Growling in the back of her throat, she raged from the room.

"I think they would have interesting chemistry," Julia finally said. "Something of a 'Beauty and the Beast' sort of thing."

There was a collective mental image of Craig Marduk in the Beast suit and Anna in the Belle dress dancing through a castle in the South of France. The idea was completely, utterly laughable. Hence, why the whole room descended into laughter.

Once the laughter abated, Christie suggested, "How about a 'Nina x Hwoarang' one shot?"

"Let's not promote pedophilia." Nina moved away from the chair containing Hwoarang, who was narrowing his eyes and graciously flipping her the bird.

Everyone laughed while they filtered through the one shots for more exciting opportunities to humiliate themselves and others.

* * *

"Any news?" Raven asked. He was polishing his gun when Anna discretely came in, closing the door behind her. Checking her skirt one last time to make sure it was just short enough, she flashed him a smile and sat down next to him on the bed.

"It's hard to say," Anna admitted. She took out her palm pilot, opening up the internet so she could make her points better. "It's incredibly difficult to see what is genuine emotion from these people, and what's the author's fabrication."

"Curse creative license," Raven muttered. He didn't even notice her, apart from what she said.

"Curses indeed," Anna agreed emphatically. She huffed to herself. "I don't even know where they cook up that stuff." Craig Marduk. Her spine shuddered. Although... muscles – lots and lots of muscles – never hurt anyone. Shaking that thought away, she reminded herself that there was no lack of muscles in this very room. Distractions were for later; now was for getting down to business.

Raven wound a cloth around the barrel of his gun one last time, before deeming it satisfactory and setting it to one side. "Are these stories only about the characters, or is it about the tournament as well?" he asked.

"Some of them take place in the real world, many of them in academia, but for the most part, yes, they are stories about the tournament." Gently shifting her weight closer and closer to Raven, Anna traced her finger down from his shoulder toward his forearm. There was no possible way he couldn't notice.

Oblivious, Raven stood up and walked to his dresser. He very well could figure out who the hand behind the Mishima Zaibatsu was through the arsenal of fiction. A little time and a little awareness, and this new twist could yield some interesting results.

* * *

"He's not coming for me, you know!" Xiaoyu shouted against the door. Giving it a hefty kick, she sighed in loud frustration before sinking to the floor and staring at the wall. What time was it? Was the old geezer getting his beauty sleep? If so, he could be in hibernation for a good ten years. What's a decade when you're four hundred, Xiaoyu mused.

Still, the wall didn't answer. Xiaoyu may have been concerned if it had.

She threatened, she trained, she paced, she blamed, she bounced, and she even rolled around on the carpet to see how big of a static field she could create. She counted ceiling tiles, and eventually settled on making squirrel shapes out of the dots on them. As exciting as it was being trapped in a small room isolated from friends and family, Xiaoyu couldn't keep her enthusiasm up for very long. With a loud sigh, she dropped against the wall and sunk to the floor.

Go figure, that was when the wall opened. Scrambling to her feet, Xiaoyu found herself once again face to face with Kuma.

Kuma desperately communicated his situation to Xiaoyu. He told her everything, of his undying love for the beautiful Panda, his torn loyalty to Heihachi and himself, and of his dream to own the company. He promised to treat Panda with all the respect and noble intention in the world, and to provide for her all the luxuries that the Mishima Zaibatsu could give. And finally, he gave a detailed description of how he would undermine the corporate Mishima Zaibatsu and how he planned to and bury all of its evil behind it, so Heihachi could retire in peace.

Xiaoyu watched his every movement, listened to every growl. It took at least fifteen minutes, and her eyebrows were knit close together as she listened. Once she was sure he was done, she said, "Sorry, Chewbacca, I didn't understand any of that."

Kuma growled in the back of his throat, an unmistakable message, and simply smashed his elbow through the door he had come through. Motioning with his massive paw, he growled again.

"You want me to go through there?"

Really. People sometimes. You have to spell out everything, a problem without the luxury of opposable thumbs or literacy skills. So Kuma settled for a nod.

"Oh, thank you!" Xiaoyu tossed her arms around Kuma's neck, before diving out the door. Kuma watched her go, pom poms bouncing. Running to Panda. A low whine escaped his muzzle. Panda would be so happy to see Xiaoyu, so much happier than she had ever been to see him. Shaking away his misery, he banished such melodramatic thoughts from his mind. If there was anything that didn't suit a bear, it was melodrama.

Then, he turned and dragged himself back the way he came, head hung to break news of her "escape" to Heihachi.

* * *

Jin couldn't help it. He gaped. His name had 240,000 or more hits on Google. Google. Google was practically the omniscient God of the internet world. Wikipedia popped up first, and the image search brought about 10,000 more.

Oh, that gave him shivers.

Tapping his name into the search engine for one of the Fan Fiction websites, he raised an eyebrow at the result. Six hundred and sixty six. He couldn't believe it when he pulled up 666 results of himself. That was a nice little touch of ironic that made the hairs on the back of his neck twitch up defiantly.

"I'll just be closing that one," he muttered. But there were stories of him with Xiaoyu, him with Julia, him with Christie, him with Hwoarang and even one or two of him with Steve.

But it always seemed to be him, over and over again. Dolled up in different ways, with this Jin wandering around moaning about his curse, this one greedily lapping up the blessings of his power, this one silent and enigmatic and that one sarcastic and witty.

Hot damn, he even had a tribute on Youtube.

Domains came from across the world, from his natal Japan to the United States of America. Even if he was no viral sensation, there were people across the entire world that knew his name.

And if there was anything more flattering than having international notoriety, he wasn't sure what it was.

One day, the whole entire world would know the name of Jin Kazama.

**

* * *

**

A/N:

**So when I typed Jin's name into this website's search engine, it DEFINITELY came up with 666! I about died, so I printed the screen and saved it and kind of made it my avatar. Nerd? Proud of it! Next installment will be rated a little higher, seeing as it's concerning "Lemon" fiction. It won't be next week, however, because I started work, and between work, training for a half marathon, preparing for a return to college, projects around the house and having my final hang-outs with people I won't see for eight months… my great American novel won't be happening with any guarantees until late August. I'll see you then!**


	6. Chapter 6: Sweet and Sour

**Chapter Six: Sweet and Sour**

The computer lab was bathed in darkness. The only brightness was the blue and white glow of the computer as Hwoarang and Steve leaned closer to the screen. The girls had exited en masse towards the bathroom. Why all of them? To do whatever mysterious ceremonies they did which required more than three people. The boys were too afraid to ask.

Now? Steve was making sounds like a fish choking on bubble wrap. Something of a gasp – pop! – gasp – pop! – combination that grated Hwoarang's nerves beyond nails on a chalkboard. "Shut the hell up, fool!" Rolling his eyes as Steve let out another pop of laughter, he muttered, "How can a human even make that noise?"

Catching his breath, Steve managed to say, "I can't hide laughter very well…"

"You can't let the girls see this! They'll freak out!"

"What will we freak out over?" Christie asked.

That was a question no man in his right mind would ever want to answer. And, if answered improperly, no man would be able to keep his left mind either. There was nearly nothing he could say to avoid capture. Hwoarang swiftly closed the browser. "Nothing."

Julia raised an eyebrow. Opening the browser, she reviewed the cache, and brought the window up. Hwoarang blushed a brilliant red that put his hair to shame. "I didn't have enough time to empty the cache and delete the cookies," he admitted.

Steve wrinkled his nose. "No milk and cookies can save you from the Hell you will have to pay..."

Once the loading bar inched towards the end of the screen, the window popped open. Asuka, Christie and Julia road the black roads of text across the white landscape. It started out innocently enough. Christie and Steve, of all people, met at a bar. Sure, it started out a little rocky with a pathetic pick-up line or two, and their banter was a little like a grocery store romance novel, but who were they to judge?

It wasn't until they both got into his car….

"Oh my word…" Julia murmured, eyes wide.

…and drove back to his hotel…

"I can't believe it…" Asuka shook her head incredulously.

…and 'slipped into something more comfortable'…

"It's just so… so…" Christie's cheeks were pink

…and popped the cork of a 1984 British vintage…

"Here it comes…" Steve slapped his hand to his forehead.

…that the three girls absolutely flipped out.

"Hot!" Julia cried.

"No, this is 'H-A-W-T-T' in all caps!" Asuka grinned.

Christie caressed Steve's shoulder. "I never knew you could be so romantic!"

Steve looked at Christie, who smiled teasingly, and then down at Hwoarang. The boys were running through their heads, trying to figure out which parts of oral sex qualified for romantic. So far, they were drawing blanks. Or rather, graphic blanks they would probably be slapped for. "I don't understand women," Steve muttered.

Fortunately, the three women were entirely too preoccupied with the content of the screen to notice any sort of affront on their normality. Anna, however, arrived just in time to deliver a crisp slap to Steve. "Anything interesting about me?"

Heading back to the original search, Christie offered, "There's one with you and Craig Marduk."

An offering that was instantly clouded over with fury and hatred. Anna shuddered. She shuddered just in time for Nina to come in and laugh uproariously. Come to think of it, none of the others had heard Nina laugh before. It reminded them of rainy days and dying puppies. And Anna wasn't about to stick around to hear it. "Alright, well, if there's nothing interesting, I'm out. I have an… appointment to make."

"Make sure you charge by the minute this time, get your money's worth," Nina chided.

Anna narrowed her eyes before disappearing out of the door. An awkward silence flooded in after her.

"Well," Asuka said, clapping her hands together. "That bit of sibling love out of the way…"

"Check this out." Nina trailed a long, pointed, manicured nail to the screen. "Our own Princess of Innocence getting deflowered."

All eyes returned to the summary. A 'Xiaoyin lemon fic,' it advertised. "Hey, why not." But before anyone could give him their three good reasons "why not," Hwoarang clicked the link.

Once again, not much lemon. A whole lot of sugar and flluff this time, as opposed to the quick banter. Xiaoyu got caught in the rain, blah blah blah, Jin goes to find her something warm, yaddah yaddah. It wasn't until Xiaoyu changed – "I promise I won't peek!" – and on-screen Jin showed just how little his word was worth that things got hot and heavy. The moment the tedious professions of love and eternal commitment were over, the clothes came off and the real fun began.

Just about when Jin was about to enter Xiaoyu, Jin entered the room.

"Jin, come check this out!" Hwoarang called. He had a Cheshire cat grin on his face and entirely too much joy in his voice for Jin to trust.

"No. I remember what happened last time." _Last time._ Shudder.

"This time you're with a GIRL!"

"Say it like that again and I'll sweep the shock off your face with my fist." Really? He just might do it anyway. That was until his brain took full stock of who had filled the room. The normal gang, and then some. "Nina. A word?" Nina looked him up and down. He wasn't about to get 'a word' that free, particularly if he wasn't going to tell her what that word was. "It's about your sister," he warned.

Ah, A curse word. Letting out a silent sigh, Nina nodded her assent and she and Jin disappeared out of the computer lab.

The three girls locked eyes away from the screen. Well. That was random. He may as well have asked for Martha Stewart. Did Jin have contact with girls other than Ling Xiaoyu that the others didn't know about? And the bigger question: should they tell Xiaoyu?

Finally, Julia let out a breath. "I'm sure it's nothing," she said, shaking it off. "I mean, Nina? It's just his-"

"His throbbing _what?_" Steve demanded.

And a curve ball could have soared in, clutched in the talons of a dragon ridden by a leprechaun from left field and blindsided any one of them and they wouldn't have been more surprised. The moment Steve realized the conversation had continued outside of the fan fiction, he felt his face burn. Julia raised an eyebrow, and Steve quickly hid behind a curtain of hair to avoid their eyes. "… It's just his business?" Julia finished.

Steve murmured a quick "oh yeah, that's probably right, you know, business…" But the moment he was certain the girls' attention was diverted again, he nudged Hwoarang. "Scroll up, what the hell is a 'love lance' and why is it throbbing?"

Hwoarang choked back a laugh when he found the reference. "That's what women call a penis-!"

Steve quietly logged that in his inner dictionary, somewhere between 'liquor' and 'lycanthropy.' "Why couldn't they just say that?" he muttered bitterly.

Masking his laughter, Hwoarang tossed a glance to the girls to make sure they were still distracted. "Women don't say penis. Ever."

"Why not?" Steve wondered aloud. And there were plenty of perfectly good synonyms, most of which were spray-painted on walls or scratched in the stalls of public restrooms. There was a whole well-spring of perfectly acceptable names for it, and women had to go and wuss it up and call it a "love lance"

"Why are you guys sitting around talking about your manhood?" Asuka asked.

Hwoarang blushed and returned his attention to the screen. Steve, however, was entirely too curious to be beyond the point of Scientific inquiry. "Say 'penis,'" he challenged.

Asuka wrinkled her nose. "Ew, no."

"What's so bad about it?"

Really, Asuka didn't know how to answer that. There were too many ways, most of which involving a fist or a shoe right in the region under question. Still. That would require her to _touch_ him.

Jumping to Asuka's defense, Julia interjected, "It phonetically sounds awful."

"It sounds almost EXACTLY like Venus, which is a pretty sexy word if you ask me!" Hwoarang jumped in.

"Yeah," Christie agreed. The three girls looked at her, stunned. "Just Venus doesn't start out with 'pee.'"

A round of giggles waved by, giving the guy's goosebumps. "I see irony has found its home in you," Steve muttered.

They returned to Xiaoyu and Jin taking three rounds in an 'abandoned wing' of the Mishima mansion. The moment the pillow talk began, however, Julia lost interest. She would rather eat a pillow than read the mush coming out of Jin and Xiaoyu's mouth in the aftermath of sex. "Let's find something new. How about Hwoarang and Asuka?"

"No." Asuka crossed her arms in a very final fashion.

"Why not? Have some fun!" Christie prodded. It seemed like Christie drew from some of the fun she had with her fictional midnight romp with the British Fox

"Seriously, you just might like it." Hwoarang flashed his best crooked grin with an eyebrow cocked and loaded.

"I'm underage."

Hwoarang didn't buy that excuse for a moment. The moment Asuka became a victim would be the day he swallowed his left lung. However, when it all came down to it, going on trial for accusations of sexual harassment for a minor didn't sound nearly exciting enough for him to jump in front of a judge. "Fine." Hwoarang scrolled down a little farther and clicked on a link. "Julia and Hwoarang it is."

Christie appraised Hwoarang. "Someone's awful eager to get out of his clothes."

"What can I say, it's- Woah." Hwoarang stopped the moment he read the first line of the first paragraph of his and Julia's encounter.

Julia pushed her glasses higher up on the bridge of her nose. "Well. This one took on a different flavor."

* * *

There were many things Nina had discovered about the world of men. Far more than she ever wished to know, admittedly, and far more than she would know how to admit. One of those things was that the only thing more difficult than standing in the hallway with an incredibly attractive, mysterious, and muscular member of the opposite sex was standing in the hallway with an incredibly attractive, mysterious and muscular member of the opposite sex after reading a graphic sexual encounter written about him.

Nina wasn't sure what Jin was propositioning, but it had better be worth the cold shower she would be taking later.

"What about my sister," Nina asked. She crossed her arms across her chest, leaning against the wall. Maintain control, she thought, maintain the upper hand.

Jin coolly brushed a bang from his face. Two could play that game, and Jin was accustomed to coming out on top in these encounters. "Anna? Seems she's employed." Judging by the brief twitch of her eyebrow, Jin knew he was correct in assuming Nina hadn't known. "Seems Raven's been getting a good bit of under-the-table help, disguised as midnight rendez-vous." He paused, flicking his eyes up to catch hers. "Catch my drift?"

A curse on men who were tall, dark and handsome. "She's not that good. She could be stopping by his room as part of her night job." Rapping her nails against her forearm, she added, "If you catch my drift."

"I caught it." Walking a few paces down the hall, his back to her, he added, "doesn't mean I bought it. There's something… surreptitious going on in the Mishima Zaibatsu." Surreptitious. There was something sexy about a man with a vocabulary. "Anna's involved, Raven's involved. I want in, and I'm not taking their side." Turning around, he caught Nina's eye. "You're unemployed."

What an ugly word "unemployed" was. One she was not going to let stick to her, for sure. "I'm self-employed."

Jin turned and half-smiled. "Care for a change in management?" Noticing Nina's eye's narrow, he clarified. "This vipers' nest that's infested the Mishima Zaibatsu has got to go. Crowd control can't allow more than _one_ of the bloodline in this place. If there are other groups involved, things will get nasty." Raising his eyebrow, he finished, "and 'nasty' is so much more fun when you're not alone."

This was big. Like, Mishima Zaibatsu big. Like, kick-Anna-in-the-face-with-billion-dollar-stilettos big, or deliver-a-crotch-shot-to-the-groin-of-the-world big. And she had seen enough of the Junior Kazama to know she wouldn't be on the underdog's team if she accepted. "The salary won't be cheap."

"Money is no object," he replied. Although, by Webster's definition of an object as "anything that is visible or tangible and is relatively stable in form" technically made that a lie, there was no place for Webster in this sort of encounter.

"If this turns out to be a dead end, I'm out. I don't do wild goose chases."

"I was thinking more of Ravens," Jin replied. Nina half-smiled. He thought her face might; he had never seen her smile before. With a quick turn on her toe, she headed down the hall.

When Nina walked away, Jin made sure she couldn't see before wiping the sweat off of his forehead. Whew. He had been so certain she would have noticed the end of his Snickers bar coming out of his pocket, and it would be curtains for the sexy mystery. Not to mention that, so far as his body guard was concerned, he may be in way over his head.

Damn. Women brought out the devil in him.

* * *

So Lee told Anna that Kazuya took over after Heihachi had died. So Anna did the only wise thing she could think to do: Anna told Raven that Lee told Anna that Kazuya took over after Heihachi had died. Could she have found a classier way than putting on her best silk negligee and writing it in bright red lipstick on his chest? The more accurate question is: who couldn't have?

Raven couldn't be bothered with pesky irritants like this, however. Something in this equation didn't add up. Sure, Kazuya had shown remarkable resilience when he was thrown into a volcano. He made it out with a red eye, a scar, and a Hawaiian shirt to remember it by.

"Your source is unreliable," Raven said flatly.

"Well, sure, he never returns calls and stands women up, but you can count on him for important things," Anna purred. Raven didn't seem amused. She wondered if his face was capable of grasping the concept of 'amused.' He had not even wrapped his mind around the concept of 'amusement;' at least, in her terms. "Am I missing something?" she suddenly added cattily. "What is it that you, Bird Boy, have over Lee."

He was tempted to say "an untouchable reputation and a bitchin' scar." That would have shown humor, however, and humor was weakness. Instead, he said, "Nearly constant surveillance on Kazuya."

"Surveillance?" Made sense. Looking for the Mishima behind this, who better to tag than Kazuya? She had been surprised he hadn't. Now she was just surprised he hadn't told her. Dropping her voice, she reverted to her better strategy. "Have any cameras in _my_ room?" She tossed him a wink.

"No." Not a beat of hesitation. Only three cameras, Kazuya, Jin – which was curiously malfunctioning – and Heihachi. Another Mishima who was supposed to be dead. And yet another thing Lee didn't know about. Even Raven's boss would be surprised to know that Heihachi was alive in the first place.

"What don't you get? I'M A WOMAN." Anna pounded her fist against her chest, a message typically understood by most primates to be a show of masculinity. She was sending mixed signals. But, as eloquently as she put it, she _was_ a woman.

"It's refreshing to see a woman who knows so much about herself," Raven muttered.

That was it. The straw that broke the camel's back. Anna chucked her lipstick tube at Raven's face and stormed out of the room. The door slammed and rattled on its hinges as Anna made her way down the hallway.

Turning to the left, she saw Nina. Turning to the right, she saw Craig Marduk. A choice. Big, powerful behemoth of a man lumbering in the same amount of space that could normally fit three large men? Or the skinny blonde with an out-of-fashion vinyl jumpsuit. It was the lesser of two evils, and the choice was clear.

Taking the hall to her right, she stalked towards Marduk.

"Hey sexy, need a room to keep you warm?"

"What are you, a bed and breakfast?"

Marduk slammed his arm against the wall, blocking Anna's passage. She looked up at him with a sharpened dagger gaze. "I'm a man who gets what he wants," he murmured. The nerve. Anna stabbed her shoes into the carpet with extra vengeance. Marduk laughed, a booming sound like Santa Claus on steroids. Ducking under his arm, she walked angrily down the hall.

"At least you guys are on the same page!" Nina crowed with a smirk.

Why was Nina smiling like a cat that ate a canary anyway? She was unemployed. She was alone. Slamming Ganryu into the wall as she passed, Anna couldn't help but feel a little better.

Anna would get what she wanted. She always got what she wanted.

* * *

The Mishima Zaibatsu computer flickered on. Across the screen flashed data from myriad projects, each one in depth, corrupt, and not what he was looking for. Jack be nimble he wasn't, but if Jack was so quick he would have made it over the candlestick, and not be trapped in a giant tube, floating in liquid across the room.

What a weird little place this was.

But he wasn't after the robotics, or the Devil Gene. What he wanted was pure, altruistic, beautiful, and absolutely rocked the Indian feather with the Daisy Duke's.

_Julia_.

He shook his head to regain focus. He had to give her all she wanted, it was the only way to win the affections of a woman like her. And if breaking into the Mishima Zaibatsu was the only way to do it, then by heaven he would do it.

One day? That feminine wellspring of integrity would be his wife.

* * *

Xiaoyu must have run forever. It took maps, stopping for directions, and a brief break on a bench for Xiaoyu to get from Heihachi's backwoods safe house back to the hotel in central Shinjuku. Checking her watch and seeing it was still mid-afternoon, she went straight for the computer lab. Bursting through the door, she cried, "I was kidnapped!"

"No." Hwoarang's voice was distant, distracted. "Julia was. She's currently tied to a bed."

Xiaoyu blinked. "I missed something."

"Since when was I into bondage?" Julia muttered. She wrinkled her nose as her in-story character had the leather ties keeping her on the bedframe tightened.

Hwoarang let out a short laugh. "A question only you can answer, babe."

"Don't call me that while you're standing over my bed with silk handcuffs."

"I don't see how the silk handcuffs are necessary if you're already tied down," Steve murmured. He paused,reading a few more lines with eyes widening. "Oh. That's why."

Xiaoyu blinked again. "I missed many, many somethings."

Asuka was the first one to come to. Blinking as if seeing the sun for the first time in a few days, she examined Xiaoyu. "Oh, wait, Xiao is back!"

"Xiao! Come join the sexy funtime!" Christie called over. Xiaoyu couldn't help but notice that Christie didn't remove her attention from the screen for very long at all. Come to think of it, Asuka was already back to the screen too.

"Please? Explain?"

Asuka sighed. Tearing her attention away, she hopped to the door to give Xiaoyu a debriefing on what they had discovered from the world of lemon fiction.

"Wait, what does that word mean?" Steve asked.

The group snapped into focus as they looked where he was circling with the cursor. All eyes slowly made their way back to Steve. "Please, Steve, tell me you know what that is," Hwoarang said with a wince.

Steve met one pair of eyes after another after another. "I have no idea what they're talking about," he finally admitted.

Christie quickly interjected, "Oh, he knows what it is."

No one was willing to touch that assertion. The silence was maddening.

"Use your context clues," Julia said politely.

Returning his eyes to the screen, Steve investigated the paragraph a tad more closely. So in-story Hwoarang took out the knife, removed Julia's underwear… "Oh." There was collective relief. "We call it something different in England."

"What do you call it?" Hwoarang asked, as if talking to a child.

Steve narrowed his eyes. "One day, when you're reading British Literature and they use it, I want there to be a moment where you feel utterly stupid and have no idea what it means."

Asuka raised an eyebrow as she returned to the group. "I never took you to be so vengeful."

"Don't let the accent fool you."

"Alright, I'm sick of sex ed, let's see if there's anything _lighter_ in this section!" Asuka swept the mouse away from Hwoarang. Changing the search commands, she pulled up a series of comedies. "Nice, how about a bachelor pad with Hwoarang, Jin and Steve?"

"Some 'Yaoi'?" Steve asked skeptically.

"Yeah, come on, live dangerously!" Hwoarang joked.

It was clear he had no idea what 'Yaoi' meant, and even if they had been through this once before, Steve would pay big bucks to see that expression on Hwoarang's face again.

"'Yaoi' is 'Slash,' Hwoarang. Let's just stick with one of these high school ones." Julia pointed to a few of them on the screen.

"Ew, no, no angst, not now!" Xiaoyu moaned. Being trapped in a cell and released by a bear was enough drama for one day.

"Fine fine, we'll do this one." Before anyone could object, Asuka clicked the link. Before them unveiled a Tekken parody where all the contestants were on a 'plain' headed towards the 'turnament' until it crashed on a 'desserted' island, according to the author's summary.

"Will there be ice cream on the desserted island?" Julia asked with a hopeful smile.

Hwoarang blinked. "What?"

Julia rolled her eyes, abandoning her underappreciated and entirely too intelligent humor for the fic. It only took a chapter for the entire thing to descend into the 'Lord of the Flies: Tekken Edition.' They couldn't figure out why it was rated "M." That is, until the consideration for repopulating the island was raised. Then it was _very_ obvious.

Xiaoyu wrinkled her forehead as she looked closer at the conversation on screen. She read it through, once, twice, and by the time she was halfway through the third time, she tossed her hands up in defeat. "Alright, I admit it, I don't get sexual humor."

Julia patted her gently on the head. "No one expected you to, dear."

With a defiant snort, Xiaoyu said, "Seriously, though, most of the time people are just laughing because someone on-screen said 'penis!'"

Hwoarang caught eyes with Steve. Their gaze spread to the girls as an infectious grin took over the entire group. It started with a snort and a chuckle, and before long the entire room was, once again, doubled over in the hilarity of the moment. Women never said 'penis.' Least of all women in pink who sneezed sunshine and rainbows.

"What's so funny?" Xiaoyu couldn't hide the confusion from her face.

"You just said… 'penis'…" Steve managed to gasp through his choking laugh. Everyone else laughed harder, sides aching, some splitting, and all eyes were tearing.

Xiaoyu looked into the faces of her comrades. Shaking her head with a helpless eye roll, she muttered, "I just don't get it."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to all of my reviewers so far :-) Hope I don't disappoint! Next chapter after this will deal with the rivalries in the Tekken story, but as I'm sure you noticed, the story is straying from the specific terms and has the characters moving things in their own interesting directions. Enjoy!**


	7. Chapter 7: Heads

**Chapter Seven: Heads...**

Life would be more convenient for cops if every criminal could leave at least one footprint. And a shoe, complete with DNA. Lei wouldn't complain if they staggered to his feet – just once, of course – because of his fearsome reputation. Like he was Bruce Willis from "Die Hard," or Arnold Schwarzenegger from "Terminator," or maybe that incredible Chinese actor from "Rush Hour," whose name escaped Lei for the moment.

Reputations. A lifetime to build, an instant to ruin.

Just look at "Die Hard 2."

He was no mall-policeman, sure, and his gun was more than just an accessory. The trigger may or may not have been grafted into his finger after years of police work. And Feng Wei was no punk kid, shoplifting Pockey because he was too lazy to pay.

Still. Chasing down a contestant – again – in the King of the Iron Fist tournament – _again _– and finding himself hitting his forehead against the wall –_AGAIN –_ was a far cry from the glorious escapades he used to lead.

Knocking on the door of the Japanese equivalent of a Motel Six with an artist's conception of Feng Wei drawn from Asuka's memory, he felt like he should be wearing shades and asking "Have you seen this child?" Except Feng Wei was uglier than a child. And fortunately for Feng, Lei was no T-1000.

Whew, one more pop culture reference and his brain may disintegrate.

He had to concentrate on a lead, which was a pathetic lead taken from a kid. No credibility, no guarantees. Only desperation.

Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. The police who? Have you seen this man? No. Go figure. Lei could only turn around and continue saving the world one Japanese-equivalent-of-a-Motel-Six at a time.

When did it become like this? When did the car chases become Soccer Mom vans? When did the untamed stallion become a lonely old bachelor? Some day the hot wheels would be on a wheel chair and he would be the devil of the nursing home.

He was looking at one dire future. What he wouldn't give to be one of the shadows again, lurking and fleeting, flickering around the corner of a man's eye, only to disappear before he could get a better look. The terror of the crime world. The terror of criminals. Criminals like this "Feng Wei."

Feng Wei. Who had just lurked out of the hotel's back door, fleeting and flickering among the shadow's of the dumpster.

Time to show the world the pistol was not just for decoration.

* * *

"So," Hwoarang snatched up Julia's laptop. Dropping back onto the couch and resting the computer on his abdomen and the back of his head on Asuka's thigh, he continued, "I noticed something." Asuka growled in the back of her throat, narrowing her eyes at Hwoarang. He replied with a wicked smirk. " 'Aggressive apathy' seems to be a Kazama trait."

"And an oxy_moron_," Julia muttered with quiet emphasis on the latter part of the word.

"You're just jealous because I'm basking on 'Suki' instead of you," Hwoarang replied, tapping into the computer.

"Don't you dare desecrate my nickname," Asuka snapped.

"Is that all you discovered?" Steve asked. He propped his feet on the lounge room table as he looked over at Hwoarang. "That invading Asuka's personal space pisses her to Hell?"

"Stop the presses," Christie teased, looking up from her task at hand. The powerful scent of nailpolish permeated the entire room as she gave Xiaoyu a French manicure.

"Actually?" Hwoarang sat up, cradling Julia's laptop and scrolling down the webpage. "No. And it wasn't that the nail crap you guys are using smells like dead souls either."

"It does not!" Xiaoyu protested. She picked up a bottle to give it a hefty whiff, just to be sure. The scent of powerful ethers ripped at her delicate nose as her eyes crossed. "Dead souls _stink_!"

Julia looked over her shoulder, concerned. "…You can kill brain cells like that, you know."

"Must be the vengeful ones…" Xiaoyu murmured.

Christie inspected her closely, using her thumb to subtly check Xiaoyu's pulse. She waved Julia a thumbs-up, and though Julia raised an eyebrow, she let it drop and continued her Hangman war with Steve.

"I can't believe I'm going to ask this," Asuka began. Slipping the laptop from Hwoarang, she shoved him over the arm of the couch and settled it on her lap. "But what, oh observant one, did you notice then?"

After tumbling to the floor in a pile of limbs and discomfort, Hwoarang picked himself up off of the floor. Bristling and straightening his leather jacket, he snapped, "Damn, girl!"

"You could have cracked his skull like that!" Julia said approvingly.

"Or worse, messed up the do!" It took a lot of time for Hwoarang to look like he just woke up, he wasn't about to let that effort be brutally underappreciated.

"I've noticed that Julia has turned into Mamma Chang," Christie said with a laugh. Seeing all the "What the Hell" looks she was getting, she clarified. " 'You'll kill your brain cells,' 'you'll crack his skull…' next she'll be giving Xiao carrots and giving me sweaters!"

"I wouldn't have to if you wore enough clothes," Julia chided.

"Bloody hell, she was right! Mamma Chang is in the house!" Steve grinned, snatching the Hangman board back from Julia. "You'd best to explain yourself, you ain't nesting or anything, are you?"

"Nesting?" Nesting. "Oh, GOD no!" Julia shook her bangs disdainfully. "My friends at college called me 'brood mother,' that's just what I do when I like people."

It was a beautiful moment, a declaration of friendship in the most unlikely of circumstances. A rose in thorns was a friendship among such intense competition. Here they were, each of them far from home, divided in goals, but somehow united, in some small way.

Hwoarang had just the thing to say for a moment like this. "Wow." Hwoarang brushed off his jeans, snatching back the laptop. "You hung out with some nerds."

"Still do," Julia muttered. She could not figure out for the life of her what this word was supposed to be. No 'A's,' no 'E's,' no 'R's,' no 'T's.' Eight letters. "I'm not even sure this is a real word…." she added

"It's a word. Now, Hwoarang, your observation?" Steve returned his feet to the table while Julia poured over the challenge.

The attention of the room was on him. He cleared his throat. He adjusted his cuffs, tossed his hair, checked his Facebook. It wasn't until Asuka firmly planted her palm on the back of his head that he spoke. "Ow wow wow, okay, okay. I just noticed that there are a _TON_ of rivalries in this competition!"

After all of that hype. Stating the obvious. Asuka rolled her eyes. "Congratulations, you finally realized you aren't the center of the universe."

"Seriously though, once you write them all down in one place? There would probably be a lot."

Steve snatched the hangman paper from Julia. Flipping it over, he said, "I'm calling your bluff. Alright, let's get a list going."

"Well, let's see," Christie mused. "There are the infamous Williams' sisters…"

* * *

Nina walked as a woman who was already at her destination; she just basked in the knowledge that she was going somewhere and Anna would be blissfully left behind her. Metaphorically, of course. Literally, Anna was walking towards her, smirking like the cat that ate a canary

With Jin walking besides her.

Suddenly, it was all so clear that chasing wild geese, or Raven assassins was the least of her worries. Not while she was face to face with a stool pigeon.

"What is this?" Nina had mastered the art of interrogation several times over. It was something they did at Assassin school, after Sniper Shooting and before Home Ec. Her eyes blazed like a white light shone right in the face, and one could see tension lace Anna like steel cuffs.

"Management shift," Jin replied for Anna. He smiled the darkest, most dastardly smile that could have come from Satan himself.

Nina narrowed her eyes. It may have been anger. It may have been hate. It may have been the culmination of years of the two, or it could have been an adverse effect of the Hibachi chicken she just ate. Whatever it was, it exploded like anger, froze like hate and burned like indigestion, and Nina's pistol was out.

Anna's pistol twirled out as if on a reflex, trigger prepped and ready to send a bullet through anyone dumb enough to get in its way. And few people were dumb enough to get in its way.

That was about when Jin got in its way. Planting himself in between the two, an aura of authority wove around him. Nina and Anna froze. Their eyes shot bullets but their pistols remained unfired, and Jin remained intact. It was a tense moment. Jin's fierce gaze alternated between of the two of them.

"Anna," he finally said firmly. "Meet in five."

"For the debriefing, hmm?" Anna saw the tug at the corner of Nina's mouth. Lingering to trail a finger daintily from his shoulder, across his spine and up his neck to tickle the pointed end of his hairline, she flaunted down the hallway. Nina's breathing was audible, as her look of pure hate rested on Jin.

Jin just smiled. He smiled and laughed. Nina's eyes darted down the hall, as if seeking her cue, before she let herself laugh as well. "That was good," Jin said with a grin. "If I hadn't planned this myself, I would have bought it."

"She's so predictable," Nina muttered. Her laughter had abated quickly. No celebration lasted long for an assassin, even for a plan so well executed. "On to part two."

Part two? More to come, but this was the first offense. Anna watched as the two split, and Jin began to head her way. Anna adjusted her hat, giving him her flirtiest smile as she linked into his arm. _Two-timing._ Well, that was one game two were meant to play.

* * *

"How about Bryan and Yoshimitsu?" Xiaoyu suggested. She vaguely remembered someone mentioning ill will between the two of them. It wasn't hard to see why; each of them looked like they walked straight off of the set of a Hollywood Thriller and started kicking the real world in the face with a steel toed shoe and a pointy, flashy stick.

"Hmm." Steve scribbled down the names, though he tapped the pencil against the table while thinking. "Should we count them? I mean, it doesn't seem like much happens between them."

* * *

The Gatling gun slung over Bryan's shoulder rattled and hissed as fire flew in all directions. Bullets ripped through pillars, trees, walls, cars, whatever dared to mark itself in between Bryan and his target. "YOUR ASS IS MINE!" he cried between waves of bullets.

Yoshimitsu, cloaked in invisibility, dove to a new cover, narrowly missing the bullets that ripped into a vending machine instead, washing out a river of caffeinated beverages. "If you had a soul, I would crush it in my bare hands!" Yoshimitsu hissed. His cover briefly blown, he dove and latched onto a balcony as Bryan blindly pumped a bench full of bullets.

Bryan coldly narrowed his eyes. Calculating and cruel, they searched for a glimmer that might betray his enemy's position. "I can do this for days. You will be crushed."

Yoshimitsu watched another volley. His next move would have to be swift and end this, because on his life he would avenge the death of his friend at the hands of this debase creature. He would not sleep, eat, or rest until that thing was dead.

* * *

"Write it down anyway," Julia said. "Even if it's nothing big, we might as well be thorough." Once Steve finished writing it, Julia flipped it over to stare intently at the eight blank spaces staring back up at her.

Asuka, after checking to make sure Hwoarang was definitely listening, piped up, "Didn't Baek say he and Law had a little somethin' somethin' going on?"

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU-" Law stopped himself. Be rational. Be responsible. Feign some resemblance of being an adult; the kid could never be allowed to think he was anything else. "Do you mean to tell me that you weren't wearing a helmet?" This was bad. Like, Insurance Company didn't even have to give him a band-aid bad. Like second mortgage and second job bad.

Dollar signs were dancing around his head before blowing away in the wind.

"You just don't get it, Dad, you can't wear a helmet on a _motorcycle._" The logic of youth. Law would give anything to go back to a time when he was immortal.

"Forrest, it's the law, you have to wear a helmet." Come to think of it, Law wasn't sure of the legal aspect of it. He could only hope Forrest didn't either. The door opened, and Law heard someone come in. Paul probably; sparring time. "You're not riding any more motorcycles, with or without a helmet, not until we sort out this financial business." If he had his way? Not even after that. But with the devil himself behind him –

Law turned around to give Paul a harsh word about leading his son down the path of evil. He had a good line picked out too. The only problem? It started with: "Paul, you are by far the worst influence I have ever met."

But it wasn't Paul that had walked in. Baek looked at Law expectantly from under his suede fedora, his long, grey ponytail swinging behind him. He looked like an upscale Korean mob boss. "Well?"

Law completely forgot that, even if he didn't say anything, his mouth was open. Here he was, face to face with the man who had destroyed his dojo. So? He said the first thing that came to his mouth. "You owe me…"

Baek raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"You destroyed my dojo, you ruined my life! If that hadn't happened, I wouldn't be in debt now!" Marshall China wouldn't have come and gone from his life. He wouldn't be struggling to keep students, he wouldn't have been pushed to combine forces with Paul so often. If he tried, he could probably pin everything that had gone wrong in his life on Baek.

"No legal grounds." Come to think of it, Baek wasn't sure of the legal aspect of it. He could only hope Law didn't either. Removing his suede coat – oh, that looked expensive – he tossed it over his arm.

Law stammered and floundered over his words. Raising his voice, he challenged, "You _admitted_ to it!"

"Yeah, sorry about that, but really, if I paid every single person back whose life I ruined… I wouldn't be the comfortably established con artist that I am today."

Law's nostrils flared. His eyes saw red. But they also saw a couch, and his back wasn't what it used to be. He cradled his face in his hands after dropping to the couch.

There was an awkward silence. Baek felt something tug at the back of his mind. Was that sensation… guilt? Baek quickly dismissed the notion. It must be indigestion. Yeah, indigestion. In his brain. Looking down at the slightly pathetic form of Marshall Law, he sighed and sat down next to him. "Why? What do you have to pay off?"

Law let out a heavy sigh, just to let Baek know how much he didn't want to be talking to him. "…My son's hospital bills."

"Hospital?" Baek snorted. "What's he doing in the hospital?"

"Paul's motorcycle…" Law straightened up, sinking into the couch's cozy embrace. "I swear, that boy can be so reckless. Doesn't understand a single thing about life, still thinks everyone is immortal and death only happens to old people. Well, I'm old and death hasn't happened to me yet, but I didn't get that way by driving motorcycles into things either."

Baek listened, propping his feet up. A slight smirk tickled the side of his mouth. Law could easily have been talking about a certain redhead they all knew and loved. "What is it with boys and motorcycles?"

"You tell them to be safe…" Law muttered.

Baek smiled. "…They get a motorcycle."

"You tell them to wear a helmet…"

"…They give it to the bimbo with her arms around his waist."

"You tell them to drive slow…"

"…They break the speed of sound." The two of them laughed, each imagining his own Evil Kneivel. Baek half-smiled, punching Law in the shoulder. "I'll bet your spawn is a saint next to Hwoarang though."

"Hwoarang's not your son?" Come to think of it, Law never really thought Hwoarang was Baek's son. It's just, he was always around Baek, so he might have been a ward or-

"No. He's not my ward, either, he's technically my pupil." Technically. The lines had been fudged for so many years in so many ways, he might as well just sign the legal paperwork. You know, just so he would have someone who could get something out of his life after he died. He was, in an odd, technical sort of way, Hwowarang's father.

"Yeah right, you're pretty much his father by now." Law and Baek shared a sympathetic, stressed smile. Law leaned back into the couch, propping his feet up on a coffee table. "Did you have a father, or where you taken in like that boy?"

Baek's expression clouded. "No, I had a father."

"Whatever happened to him?" Law asked.

Baek let out a sigh, just so Law would know how much he didn't want to talk about it. "Just one more debt I can't pay…"

Paul walked in, his sparring bag slung over his shoulder. He arrived in time to hear Baek's last words, but they were his last, because Baek stood briskly and left the room, jacket over his shoulder and fedora tipped to hide his face. Paul wrinkled his nose and looked at Law. "Well damn. Something tells me I came just in time for the dramatic clincher."


	8. Chapter 8: Tails

**Chapter Eight: Tails**

The hotel courtyard was silent, as shadows sleepily slumped against the stone staircase.. It was too late for the upstanding citizens to be about; it was too early for the dregs to come staggering back. Only flowers remained bright and awake, their petals glowing in the stubborn rays of light of the moon.

It was here the lovers met. He was waiting, by a cliff-side fence. She arrived, gently stepping one foot in front of the other in front of the other in front of the other, and hesitated at the top of the stairs.

He turned. Their eyes met. He ran to her, nuzzling his forehead against her neck. She accepted it briefly, before pulling away. _I can't. _ He watched her with big brown eyes, but she couldn't meet his gaze. _We're two different worlds, two different… species._

He growled in the back of his throat, casting his gaze away in anger. _You're not going to let _Darwin_ interfere with our love!_

Panda let a low stream of air through her nose, something of a bear sigh._No melodrama. _ Walking towards the flowers, she cast a look over her shoulder. _What do you really want._

Kuma ran up behind her, rubbing his cheek against her shoulder. _To spend the rest of my life with you._

Panda rolled her head back in frustration. _Truthfully, what do you really want?_

_To spend the rest of my life with you. _He licked her cheek affectionately.

Turning to face him, her eyes seemed sad – though, a Panda's eyes always seem sad, with great black tear drops surrounding her sweet brown eyes. _You know, you can be honest with me._

_I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU! _Kuma tossed his head back and roared. Casting an accusing look at her yellow bow, he muttered, _You've been around humans too long-!_

Panda watched him sulk to the other side of the garden. Her eyes followed him, before wandering to the beautiful flowers. Carefully stepping to a clear square of stone tile, she settled her four paws on the ground, resting her great head on the front two. The gentle scent of flowers tickled her nose. _Teddy bear, we can't. If nothing else, our masters would never get along._

Kuma had to admit; it was hard to see Heihachi and Xiaoyu in the same wedding party. Unless Xiaoyu had a shotgun and Jin was the groom. But she was so beautiful. Black and white, surrounded by the flaming colored flowers. He couldn't stay mad at her. Walking up beside her, he settled on the ground next to her, curved his paws over her back and rested his chin on her shoulder. Her fur was warm and inviting. _I've found a way around that. Just trust me, I'll be able to give you everything you ever wanted._

* * *

"The list so far?" Hwoarang stretched his fingers. Asuka slapped him for getting his fingers that close to the "danger zone;" the danger being whatever happened to a man who dared enter that zone.

Asuka let him off with a warning – a warning being a sharp palm to the spleen.

"Hey-!" Hwoarang brushed off his abdomen. "Hands off the merchandise, please."

"Only a used car salesman can sell that merchandise," Asuka huffed.

"Epic _burn!_" Christie grinned.

Xiaoyu didn't say anything. She was too busy blowing her nails and waving them in the air to notice the game of "Pin the Insult on Hwoarang's Pride."

"I don't have to listen to that," Hwoarang muttered, resettling sorely. "Especially since I should be listening to a list of _RIVALRIES_ right now!"

Steve and Julia didn't respond. She was glaring at the sheet of paper, trying to prevent utter damnation for the stick figure man in Hangman. She was - quite literally - at the end of her rope.

"THE LIST SO FAR?" Hwoarang shouted.

Julia jumped. "Sorry, I'm trying to make sense of this satanic puzzle." Accusing Steve, she said, "is it a real word?"

"Real as you or I," Steve replied cryptically. Julia could have purposefully given him a papercut for that one. He seized the opportunity from her, however, when he seized the paper and flipped it onto its back to the list. "So far, we have Anna x Nina, Bryan x Yoshimitsu, and Law x Baek."

Hwoarang suddenly started laughing. The room chuckled strangely, looking between each other. What was so funny? Was Hwoarang seriously laughing at a joke with himself? A good half-minute was spent in conjecturing and self-doubt before Hwoarang suddenly spoke. "Speaking of Paul-"

"We didn't mention Paul," Asuka quickly pointed out.

"Yeah, but you mentioned Law, and Law hangs out with Paul!" That was a leap of faith the others weren't entirely certain they were willing to take. "…and Paul totally has a rivalry with Kuma!"

Apparently, silence wasn't the reaction he was expecting to this revelation. Most of them were still jarring from being welcomed onboard Hwoarang's twisted train of thought. Finally, Xiaoyu voiced the group opinion: "you can't be serious."

"It's on Wikipedia!" He might have mentioned it was also discussed in a forum, but that seemed dangerous to his bad assitude.

"Christie? Verify," Steve commanded.

Christie saluted, sprang from her seat and picked up Julia's laptop. Then she dropped on to the couch – or rather, Hwoarang's lap, which happened to be between her and the couch. Hwoarang grunted – a proudly, manly sound, to be sure – and cried out. "Hey," Christie murmured defensively. "I'm just testing the merchandise."

There is a dance we all know. It's instinctive in our system. It's called the "awkward writhe," and it requires no music, no rhythm, and no training. It's so powerful, it makes spectators' skin leave their body and attempt to escape the situation. That would rather describe the reaction to that line. Writhing, giggling bodies on the couch.

"Aw, Steve, we're missing the couch orgy!" Julia teased.

Steve raised an eyebrow at her across the table, smiling. "I'm having entirely too much fun raping your brain with hangman puzzles."

"PG, guys, PG," Xiaoyu interjected. To Christie, she said, "What's the status on Kuma and Paul?"

Christie held up one finger – the "wait one second" finger – as she booted up Firefox. Finally, her jaw dropped in surprise. "… It's on Wikipedia. That does it, it has to be true."

* * *

Paul landed a hearty fist in Law's kidney. Law staggered and sputtered, until he managed to spit out, "I hate being old."

"Man, if you're old, I'm old, and I ain't old." Paul tossed back his head, flexing a bicep with a wry smirk.

Law replied with an uppercut to Paul's jaw. Paul staggered back. "But once you get older-" he paused to plant another fist in Paul. "-People stop being so reckless-" Bam. "-and stupid-" Pow. "-and they start making sense."

Paul snorted, rolling his shoulders. With a crisp kick to Law's shin, he managed to plant two powerful punches in his abdomen and shoulder. Law flew back, hitting the floor. "I promise," Paul said, walking over to Law. "…I will never make sense." He stuck out a hand.

"I'm always grateful for you." Law grabbed Paul's wrist and flipped him to the floor. "Whatever happened to your glorious rivalry with Kazuya?"

Paul paused, thinking that one over. "It was sometime after he fell into a volcano and started mutating into a goat man that I lost interest," he admitted. "It was all too bestial for me. Now, quit playin' around!" Paul spat. Jumping up to his feet, faced his bouncing sparring partner. "I gotta train f'real if I'm going to beat this bear!"

* * *

Christie had slipped off of Hwoarang's lap, Xiaoyu and Asuka next to her. Hwoarang was pacing back and forth, occasionally bouncing and kicking at no one in particular. "Speaking of bears, I think Craig has a rivalry."

"He has a million of them," Steve replied bitterly.

"Yeah, but he and King are by far the fiercest," Hwoarang pointed out. "Didn't Marduk like, kill his master or something?"

"Oh, it's so true! That's an _epic _rivalry!" Christie gushed. "That one will be going until one of them is dead, they're always at each other's throats."

* * *

King furiously fumed. He fumed more than a cigarette in the mouth of a French chain smoker. He fumed so much, fumes visibly fumed, albeit ephemerally. Failure. What a fog to choke on. He wouldn't lose. He couldn't lose. Even if, as Lei gaily reminded him, he had lost. It would not happen again.

"So it's the cat man."

When King turned to face the hulking form of Craig Marduk, his reaction was a few fries less of a Happy Meal, and a few arsenic drops closer to a Pissed-off Meal: supersized. King handled this situation the best way any man in a cheetah mask ever could: he growled.

"You got moves. Hear you got motivation." King might have corrected him. Starving children qualified as more than motivation. What was this anyway? What was Marduk's motivation?

Revenge.

"Y'know, it's kinda funny… I have this craaazy thing I keep remembr'ng, y'know, like a premonitions."

King might have pointed out memories had little to do with premonitions, but arguing semantics with brutes bent on revenge ranked low on his list for honorable battles.

"And I remembered _you_, of all peoples, putting me in the hospital!" Marduk laughed. King didn't waste the effort. Marduk stopped there. His eyes darted from King's mask. "And I remember getting a certain…. Visitor." King's blood got cold. "Remember it quite clearly, s'matter o'fact…" King's attempt on Marduk's life. Hadn't he been unconscious? "So there was I, sitting all helpless-like on one of those resuscitators-" Respirators. Really. "And this guy, he coulda iced me!"

_Coulda woulda shoulda_. Story of King's life. Nothing like a little second-guessing to bring about an involuntary Plan B. He had been so close, so close to avenging Armor King. If it hadn't been for that picture of Marduk's family, he would have done it: and it could have been the biggest mistake of his life.

Marduk paused again, looking for his words. "Yeah, I don't really remember any o'that shit, just saw the security tapes after, y'know?" So that was it. Blackmail. King instinctively tensed. "But y'know, I was thinking about it, and I think the only reason my blood ain't on your hands is 'cause you saw we was the sames."

That was a stretch. Marduk was a murderer. King considered himself set apart from such types. "I propose a partnership. I've seen you in the ring, you got something. Y'ain't just a fighter, 'cause you got something to fight for." King tossed his head skeptically. "Don't have to say nuthin' now, I just need somethin' to fight for, before I get someone else's blood on there that don't belong. We got this." Marduk grunted. "There's no 'I' in team!"

* * *

"I," Julia said suddenly.

There was a pause. Xiaoyu was the one to break it. "You what, had an epiphany?" Julia shook her head. "An aneurysm?" Again, a head shake. Xiaoyu wrinkled her forehead. "…Have to pee?"

"No." Julia focused a challenging look at Steve. He smiled innocently. "The letter 'I' on this wicked puzzle."

Steve smiled. He uncapped his pen. Approaching the end of the stick figure man, he prepared to seal his doom- "Just joshin' ya!" With a bright smile, he filled in the I's.

_ I _ I _ I _ _

"Three 'I's'?" Julia looked up at him incredulously. "In one word? NO other vowels?"

"Well, we know it can't be a person, they only have two eyes," Hwoarang joked.

"Unless they're two-faced," a voice pointed out. Everyone looked up to see Jin. He tossed a nod of acknowledgement, before continuing to walk through the room.

Xiaoyu wasn't about to let him off that easily. "You going somewhere important?" Before he could answer, she grabbed his sleeve and pulled him onto the floor next to her. "There you go! You've arrived. Welcome to chill time."Hwoarang and Jin caught eyes. Hwoarang snorted. Jin rolled his eyes.

Well. It wasn't World War III at least.

"Woah, this is kicking it old school." Christie scrolled farther down her page, skim-reading the story as it went past. It took place during the second tournament, and was an epic love triangle. Kazuya, Jun, and – "LEE?"

"Lee is old school," Julia said apathetically.

"I would bet my inheritance most of that isn't his real skin," Jin muttered, propping his feet on the hotel lounge coffee table.

Hwoarang's eyes lit up. Visions of the entirety of the Mishima Zaibatsu flashed before his eyes. "That's quite a wager..."

"Not really." Jin snorted. "Heihachi's never going to die, just to spite me."

"He's already dead," Julia pointed out.

Xiaoyu burst out laughing. She laughed so hard her face turned red, tears ran down them unrestrained, and Jin lamented his lack of an available straight-jacket.

"…You're going to have to explain this one to me," Julia admitted.

Gasping between giggles, Xiaoyu managed to say: "So I got attacked in my room" – giggle – "and there was this fuzzy wall" – snort – "And Heihachi was there" – snicker - "And the bear broke the wall and set me free!" She finally gave up trying to communicate. She settled with "Heihachi's DEFS alive!"

Long silence.

Hwoarang snorted. "Well, I'm convinced."

Julia glared at the puzzle. "Just promise me you'll never tell your kids bedtime stories."

"Yeah, Jin wouldn't appreciate you filling the minds of his spawn with that kind of crap!" Hwoarang grinned broadly, laughing to himself.

Springing to his feet, Jin laughed too, in his own special way: a swift kick to the one place Hwoarang wouldn't want a swift kick to.A steady stream of swear words escaped from Hwoarang like air fleeing a balloon as he assumed the fetal position. "Good luck 'spawning'…" Jin smirked.

Patting Hwoarang on the head with a laugh, Christie said soothingly, "it's okay. Some family trees weren't meant to be continued."

"Like _his_!" Leaping from the couch, Hwoarang grasped Jin's neck in a stranglehold. Jin fell backward, against some sort of pillow, and struggled to release his grip. "Your family tree ends now, you sick bastard!" Hwoarang screamed. Jin kicked Hwoarang off, and fell back onto his comfortable headrest, to relax and stare at the ceiling: only to find himself face to face with Xiaoyu.

"Woah-!" Jumping, Jin sat up quickly, and leaned up against the couch behind him. Closing his eyes and dropping the heel of his hand against his forehead, he muttered through clenched teeth: "Why didn't you tell me I was on your lap..?"

Xiaoyu stifled a giggle. "I figured it would be less awkward to mention _after_ you finished beating the crap out of Hwoarang."

* * *

"She escaped." Heihachi gaped. Holes in the wall were not necessarily rare, but holes in the wall created by small, Chinese girls which were roughly twice the size of their bodies were unusual. Kuma growled innocently; a skill only to be learned after years and years of being a bear. "I must have underestimated her…"

Kuma snorted. When Heihachi looked at him, he attempted to look disgusted at the awful number done on the 'beautiful' wall-paper.

"Inconsequential," Heihachi finally concluded. He had been watching things unwind, and the girl really was inconsequential. In the greater scheme of life, the world, and everything in it, only one thing mattered:

The secret coordinator of the King of the Iron Fist Five: Kazuya

* * *

Kazuya. It had to be. As Lee told Anna, Kazuya had taken over after Heihachi had died. It made sense; Lee would stake his majority shareholdings on it.

The only problem? How. And how was Kazuya running things from behind the scenes as well as participating in the tournament and maintaining a separate low profile from that fatal progeny of his.

Lee was secretly grateful he never had kids. It made one fewer person to try and kill him in his sleep. That's what he had Nina and Anna for.

Capture Kazuya, secure Kazuya, observe all hell break lose, and then make off with the entire Mishima Zaibatsu. It sounded nice.

* * *

The girl was not a weapon; Kazuya could see that now. Relatively irrelevant, although Kazuya could get a few hits on YouTube with footage of that little display with Jin on her lap. As it was, there were many more important things than , many things much more important than YouTube. Jin's head on a silver platter, for example. And the immediate termination of he who took it upon himself to begin this latest tournament: Jin.

* * *

"'N' " Julia challenged.

"In where?" Xiaoyu looked around the room, her pigtails swinging with her turning head.

"In hangman," Julia explained.

"In what?" Jin raised an eyebrow.

Julia slammed her palms on the table, boring down over Steve. " 'N!' The letter 'N' in this inane Neanderthal's nasty conundrum of insanity!"

The silence was filled only by Julia's frustrated, heaving breaths. Hwoarang was the only one with the guts to interrupt. "Christie? Dictionary. Julia's speakin' smart again."

"Check…" Steve slid his pen over the pointed tips of the 'N.' There was only one, at the beginning of the letter.

Christie twirled a gentle Brazilian lock. She stared, meditatively, at the umpteenth scene of fan fiction with the penultimate Mishima facing his son in a battle to the death. "Seriously, whatever runs in Mishima blood is poison… No offense."

Jin rested against the couch. A better word, perhaps, would be "bask." With a jaunty twitch of his finger, he said, "none taken."

Tapping his pen against the Hangman puzzle as he watched Julia struggle through her inner dictionary to find the word in question, Steve continued, "it seems like the past three generations of Mishima's have been preoccupied with killing each other…" Eyes darting to Jin, he added, "…no offense."

"None taken."

Hwoarang wove his fingers behind his head, leaning back against his doorframe. "I mean, I don't think anything has come out of that family line that isn't sick and twisted." With a snide smile, he added, "no offense."

Jin's eyes narrowed "You're pushing it, fire-crotch."

"That's assuming the carpet matches the drapes!"

Hwoarang jumped and turned around to come face to face with Asuka. Shoving him and his pending reply out of her way, she announced, "I've been polling the troops, the ones that are sentient, non-murderer types."

"You found those here?" Steve asked, dumbstruck.

Asuka did what she did best with members of the opposite sex: she ignored him. "Alright, around the room, why these rivalries started… Well, I hate Feng because he beat my father nearly to death and destroyed my dojo…"

"Jerk move," Christie agreed.

"… Baek destroyed Law's dojo…"

"I've never been so proud…" Hwoarang wiped an imaginary tear.

"…Kuma wrecked Paul's chances of being titled the greatest fighter in the world, and made him a walking mockery…"

Steve snorted. "Understatement."

"…According to Nina, Anna is 'trying to kill me,' but according to Anna, Nina 'started it'"

Xiaoyu sighed contentedly. "I love being an only child…"

"…And everyone in the Mishima clan has, at one point or another, tried to kill each other, or thought they had succeeded."

Jin gave a thumbs up as testimony to that. It took Hwoarang a moment to realize Asuka had focused her gaze pointedly on him. Jerking his thumb to Jin, he stuck his nose in the air and said, "He beat me in a street fight." The silence surrounding that was almost unimaginable. "…What?"

"Did he put you in the hospital?" Xiaoyu asked.

"No"

"Wreck your street cred?" Steve asked.

"No."

"Stub your toe?" Christie asked.

Hwoarang had to mull that one over for a moment. There was a lot of pain and ouchies from coming out of that, but… "… Technically? No."

For the first time in nearly three hours, Julia's attention from the puzzle broke. "That's _IT?_ That's the origin of the epic rivalry? Some back-ally streetfight and Hwoarang decides he hates Jin beyond all comprehension of loathing?" Whirling around to face Jin, she pointed an accusing finger. "What's _your_ excuse?"

Jin shrugged. "He keeps following me around like a rabid shih tzu."

Julia gaped. She tried to wrap her mind, which was a formidable enough mind, around it, but the futility of it struck her as much as the futility of their rivalry. "I don't believe this…! Is it all really so hopeless as to start _hissy fits_ over _street fights_? Is there no morality, no meaning, no purpose in the world..?" Her eyes suddenly lit up. Whirling back to Steve, she shouted, "NIHILISM!"

"Knee-high what now?" Xiaoyu asked, perplexed.

Steve sighed in defeat. "You finally figured it out…" Filling in the blanks on Hangman, he wrote "NIHILISM."

"Pardon my rakishly Brazilian nature, but what the hell is that?" Christie demanded.

Steve and Julia looked at each other, before settling on Christie and saying in unison: "Look it up on Wikipedia."


End file.
